This thread is great! I just wanted to throw out props to George Marshall who was teaching at the end of his beginner lessons: accepting and declining and moving on with dance requests - earlier than I can remember other callers doing it. I've stolen my schtick directly from him.
Ron Blechner On Dec 18, 2017 12:09 PM, "Rich Sbardella via Callers" < [email protected]> wrote: > Mary has made some very valid points. It would be good to emphasize that > this is a dance "community", and that all people should be respectful of > others. Many dancers take a "no" as a personal rejection and perhaps even > as disrespectful. This tends to hurt the community as a whole and often > leads to cliques. My thought is that dancers should have a reason for > saying no, but that reason need not be vocalized. > > As an older dancer, most of the rejections I experience are from much > younger ladies that do not know me yet. I tend to want to help newer > dancers with their skills, and have made many new dance friends this way. > I handle most rejections by remembering that many other dances seek me out > as a partner. > > To summarize, two people are involved in a dance request, and the response > should keep that in mind. > > On Mon, Dec 18, 2017 at 11:17 AM, Mary Collins via Callers < > [email protected]> wrote: > >> coming late also here, Dale, so stealing your "lesson" comments. We >> usually don't directly address the refusal part of the equation as we are >> so short of dancers, it's usually exhaustion that sits us out! lol...saying >> that...we do encourage new dancers to ask anyone (esp. those that look like >> they know what they are doing) to dance. Our regular dancers are always >> eager to bring them into the experience for which I am grateful. The "old" >> rule used to apply and several years ago, we had a very upset dancer who >> left and never returned because someone turned him down and then danced >> with someone else. This particular dancer it was found, had some mental >> health issues, along with size and ability issues as well and took the >> refusal very personally. >> >> In the CDSS callers' course we discussed this and it was mentioned that >> saying no, needs no explanation. Now, as a large woman (who,it has been >> noted by another dancer as"...very light on your feet") I often get no's. >> I try to ignore this and not take it personally, however, it often comes to >> mind as I sit out more and more. Age and size do matter, unfortunately. >> As we become more inclusive in our dance culture we tend to forget those of >> us who raised you and brought you into this wonderful world of dance and >> community. So if there is a kind, gentle way to remind dancers to ask >> ANYone to dance, and to accept the invitation (if so desired) regardless of >> dancer appearance or possible experience then I am all for it. Please note >> this happens to me more at festivals and dances where I am less known as >> organizer, dancer, caller. >> >> Ok way to get off on a tangent but I feel it is relevant. >> >> Mary Collins >> >> “Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass ... it's about learning >> to dance in the rain!” ~ Unknown >> >> On Mon, Dec 18, 2017 at 10:54 AM, Luke Donforth via Callers < >> [email protected]> wrote: >> >>> At the dances I've seen/called in and around VT, we don't address this >>> directly (with signs or such). >>> >>> I've heard of the practice of sitting after declining, but I don't think >>> it's a common practice for most folks these days. I'd say it's mostly >>> fallen by the wayside. >>> >>> The one time I've seen it come up at a dance was more than a decade ago >>> when an older male dancer castigated a young female dancer for turning him >>> down and then dancing with someone else instead of sitting out. Several >>> folks told her afterwards that he was rude and impertinent and she hadn't >>> been in the wrong. I wish we'd taken a stronger line with him directly too >>> though. I don't know if she offered an excuse or just a no, thank you. >>> >>> I like CD*NY's etiquette list that Alexandra linked to ( >>> http://cdny.org/what-is-contra/contra-etiquette/), especially the bit >>> that addresses this: >>> >>> *You are always free to say no when someone asks you to dance. You >>> don’t have to give a reason; you can just say “No, thank you.” If you ask >>> someone to dance and they say “No,” take it gracefully and move on. If >>> someone has declined to dance with you, the etiquette in our community is >>> not to ask that person again that same night. If they would like to dance >>> with you, they can come ask you—it’s their turn to do the asking.* >>> >>> Adding that you shouldn't ask someone multiple times, but have put the >>> ball in their court seems a polite nudge to folks on both sides >>> >>> Incorporating some of the other strong suggestions that have come up on >>> this discussion, I might advocate our group putting up something like: >>> You are always free to say no when someone asks you to dance. No >>> reasons are required; a short "No, thank you.” gives that person more time >>> to find a different partner. If you ask someone... >>> >>> Thanks for starting this discussion Kalia! It seems like one that could >>> have gone on the organizers shared-weight instead of callers; but this one >>> does seem to be most people's default. >>> >>> -- >>> Luke Donforth >>> [email protected] <[email protected]> >>> >>> _______________________________________________ >>> List Name: Callers mailing list >>> List Address: [email protected] >>> Archives: https://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >>> >>> >> >> _______________________________________________ >> List Name: Callers mailing list >> List Address: [email protected] >> Archives: https://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >> >> > > _______________________________________________ > List Name: Callers mailing list > List Address: [email protected] > Archives: https://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ > >
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