You and me both Ron, we steal from the best. Bob Green
On Mon, Dec 18, 2017 at 4:33 PM, Ron Blechner via Callers < [email protected]> wrote: > This thread is great! > > I just wanted to throw out props to George Marshall who was teaching at > the end of his beginner lessons: accepting and declining and moving on with > dance requests - earlier than I can remember other callers doing it. I've > stolen my schtick directly from him. > > Ron Blechner > > On Dec 18, 2017 12:09 PM, "Rich Sbardella via Callers" < > [email protected]> wrote: > >> Mary has made some very valid points. It would be good to emphasize that >> this is a dance "community", and that all people should be respectful of >> others. Many dancers take a "no" as a personal rejection and perhaps even >> as disrespectful. This tends to hurt the community as a whole and often >> leads to cliques. My thought is that dancers should have a reason for >> saying no, but that reason need not be vocalized. >> >> As an older dancer, most of the rejections I experience are from much >> younger ladies that do not know me yet. I tend to want to help newer >> dancers with their skills, and have made many new dance friends this way. >> I handle most rejections by remembering that many other dances seek me out >> as a partner. >> >> To summarize, two people are involved in a dance request, and the >> response should keep that in mind. >> >> On Mon, Dec 18, 2017 at 11:17 AM, Mary Collins via Callers < >> [email protected]> wrote: >> >>> coming late also here, Dale, so stealing your "lesson" comments. We >>> usually don't directly address the refusal part of the equation as we are >>> so short of dancers, it's usually exhaustion that sits us out! lol...saying >>> that...we do encourage new dancers to ask anyone (esp. those that look like >>> they know what they are doing) to dance. Our regular dancers are always >>> eager to bring them into the experience for which I am grateful. The "old" >>> rule used to apply and several years ago, we had a very upset dancer who >>> left and never returned because someone turned him down and then danced >>> with someone else. This particular dancer it was found, had some mental >>> health issues, along with size and ability issues as well and took the >>> refusal very personally. >>> >>> In the CDSS callers' course we discussed this and it was mentioned that >>> saying no, needs no explanation. Now, as a large woman (who,it has been >>> noted by another dancer as"...very light on your feet") I often get no's. >>> I try to ignore this and not take it personally, however, it often comes to >>> mind as I sit out more and more. Age and size do matter, unfortunately. >>> As we become more inclusive in our dance culture we tend to forget those of >>> us who raised you and brought you into this wonderful world of dance and >>> community. So if there is a kind, gentle way to remind dancers to ask >>> ANYone to dance, and to accept the invitation (if so desired) regardless of >>> dancer appearance or possible experience then I am all for it. Please note >>> this happens to me more at festivals and dances where I am less known as >>> organizer, dancer, caller. >>> >>> Ok way to get off on a tangent but I feel it is relevant. >>> >>> Mary Collins >>> >>> “Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass ... it's about >>> learning to dance in the rain!” ~ Unknown >>> >>> On Mon, Dec 18, 2017 at 10:54 AM, Luke Donforth via Callers < >>> [email protected]> wrote: >>> >>>> At the dances I've seen/called in and around VT, we don't address this >>>> directly (with signs or such). >>>> >>>> I've heard of the practice of sitting after declining, but I don't >>>> think it's a common practice for most folks these days. I'd say it's mostly >>>> fallen by the wayside. >>>> >>>> The one time I've seen it come up at a dance was more than a decade ago >>>> when an older male dancer castigated a young female dancer for turning him >>>> down and then dancing with someone else instead of sitting out. Several >>>> folks told her afterwards that he was rude and impertinent and she hadn't >>>> been in the wrong. I wish we'd taken a stronger line with him directly too >>>> though. I don't know if she offered an excuse or just a no, thank you. >>>> >>>> I like CD*NY's etiquette list that Alexandra linked to ( >>>> http://cdny.org/what-is-contra/contra-etiquette/), especially the bit >>>> that addresses this: >>>> >>>> *You are always free to say no when someone asks you to dance. You >>>> don’t have to give a reason; you can just say “No, thank you.” If you ask >>>> someone to dance and they say “No,” take it gracefully and move on. If >>>> someone has declined to dance with you, the etiquette in our community is >>>> not to ask that person again that same night. If they would like to dance >>>> with you, they can come ask you—it’s their turn to do the asking.* >>>> >>>> Adding that you shouldn't ask someone multiple times, but have put the >>>> ball in their court seems a polite nudge to folks on both sides >>>> >>>> Incorporating some of the other strong suggestions that have come up on >>>> this discussion, I might advocate our group putting up something like: >>>> You are always free to say no when someone asks you to dance. No >>>> reasons are required; a short "No, thank you.” gives that person more time >>>> to find a different partner. If you ask someone... >>>> >>>> Thanks for starting this discussion Kalia! It seems like one that could >>>> have gone on the organizers shared-weight instead of callers; but this one >>>> does seem to be most people's default. >>>> >>>> -- >>>> Luke Donforth >>>> [email protected] <[email protected]> >>>> >>>> _______________________________________________ >>>> List Name: Callers mailing list >>>> List Address: [email protected] >>>> Archives: https://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >>>> >>>> >>> >>> _______________________________________________ >>> List Name: Callers mailing list >>> List Address: [email protected] >>> Archives: https://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >>> >>> >> >> _______________________________________________ >> List Name: Callers mailing list >> List Address: [email protected] >> Archives: https://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >> >> > _______________________________________________ > List Name: Callers mailing list > List Address: [email protected] > Archives: https://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ > >
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