Actually, I was so stunned at this i had to leave it alone for a minute. Is it so inconceivable that you perhaps haven't parented your stepson in the way you intended? Could you possibly be at fault at all? Or could the kid have some sort of problem (there are mental illnesses that cause kids to be very self-centered) as opposed to it being all the schools fault? Could it just be his age (teenagers ARE self-centered, becoming aware of other people is part of growing up)?
I don't doubt you are an involved parent - nor your wife! I do doubt that your kids behavior problems are all the fault of the school. I do see lots of kids growing up these days who get TOO MUCH. My parents (a special ed teacher and a child psychologist) both see it too. In our attempts to give our children more than we have we give them everything. Nothing is earned, there are no serious consequences to their actions. My parents, although they had the money, would never have given me a car for my 16th birthday - a car is something you EARN on your own. I was expected to do housework and there were consequences to it not getting done (although it never occured to me to not do what my mother asked me after she asked once or twice, I KNEW there would be consequences). I see my friends kids, and mike's nephews not getting these consquences. Mike's nephews are a great example - upper middle class family. Uninvolved mother, who loves them, but loves her social life more. The kids never did their homework and were told that if they wanted to be losers it was their problem, so eventually they flunked out of school in 10th grade (they are twins). They spent the next year doing little or nothing except drinking and having friends cut school at their house while their mother went to work. Their mother would get angry but there were no real consequences to that anger. Eventually she threw them out and they went to live with mike's brother, their father. George, the dad, feels terribly guilty about not having been an involved father and allows them to skate along, with no jobs (well, one has a job), and no responsibilities until their 18th birthday when he throws them out. They both receive cash from a settlement from when they were kids at age 18 so they are able to get an apartment, quit the one job and basically do nothing but drink and sleep for the next six months. After the six months they are running very short on cash and somehow one of them ends up ROBBING his step-uncles house with some friends. They are caught and the sentence is PROBATION - a freakin felony and he gets no consequences AGAIN. Basically though, every time they run out of money, mommy bails them out because she can't bear the thought of them living on the street. So there are NEVER any consequences to spending your entire paycheck on booze instead of rent. They are 20 - one has a job at McDonalds and the other freeloads off of him. They are pitiful losers, who show no interest in improving themselves (mike has offered to pay for school) - the one without a job says he has looked but he clearly hasnt' because my friends kid found a job at kmart in five minutes despite his still being in a halfway house after a four year jail term. If that kid can get a job, Cory (not the nephew with the record) certainly can. Basically, these are nice bright kids - they passed their GED's with flying colors with no studying and only a half of a 10th grade education. The problem is MOTIVATION. If there are no consequences to your actions, whats your motivation? --Beth, Pseudo usenet cop Merlin MTB, BikeE AT, RANS gliss, Trek R200, Kickbike Owned by Kavik (Samoyed Boy) and Toklat (Keeshond Boy) Anchorage, Alaska > -----Original Message----- > From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]] > Sent: Friday, March 08, 2002 10:15 AM > To: CF-Community > Subject: RE: I'm speechless ... > > > Parents can only do so much. While I generally think parents can do more > than they do these days, it's also very hard to teach her children right > from wrong. I've been through it with my step-son, whom I raised for > about > half his life. Both my wife and I are very sure of our moral position > and > have tried our best to teach him right from wrong. But between what he > got > in school and what he got from the mass media, he displays no signs of > accepting any moral code. Not that he's a bad person or evil or does a > lot > of bad things, but the opinions he expresses or the positions he takes > when > he's been caught, say, lying, are those of a situational ethicist. I > find it > very disturbing. My only hope is that as he gets older, as often happens > with teen-agers, our words and our lessons will start to make more > sense. > > H. > > > -----Original Message----- > From: Christopher Olive [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]] > Sent: Friday, March 08, 2002 6:50 AM > To: CF-Community > Subject: RE: I'm speechless ... > > > did you go to public school? > > i did. > > it's not the school's issue. it's the parents of the child in question. > > christopher olive > cto, vp of web development, vp it security > atnet solutions, inc. > 410.931.4092 > http://www.atnetsolutions.com > > > -----Original Message----- > From: Angel Stewart [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]] > Sent: Friday, March 08, 2002 1:40 AM > To: CF-Community > Subject: RE: I'm speechless ... > > > Gosh..American schools don't teach jack sh** to their kids. At least not > public schools. > And hell yes that IS why America is facing all these assinine problems > today from their youth. > Politically correct morons and murderers. > Whoop dee doo. > *shrug* > > -Gel > > > -----Original Message----- > From: Beth Fleischer [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]] > > > Like there weren't morally bankrupt people before? > And I dont' think our schools teach moral relativism at all - > ----- Original Message ----- > From: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> > > > Do you think, maybe, that this is what decades of our public schools > > teaching moral relativism has wrought? > > > > H. > > > > ______________________________________________________________________ This list and all House of Fusion resources hosted by CFHosting.com. The place for dependable ColdFusion Hosting. Archives: http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ Unsubscribe: http://www.houseoffusion.com/index.cfm?sidebar=lists
