For the lazy -
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People of Earth:

In the last few days, I've been getting a lot of sympathy calls, and I
want to start by making it clear that no one should waste a second
feeling sorry for me. For 17 years, I've been getting paid to do what
I love most and, in a world with real problems, I've been absurdly
lucky. That said, I've been suddenly put in a very public predicament
and my bosses are demanding an immediate decision.

Six years ago, I signed a contract with NBC to take over The Tonight
Show in June of 2009. Like a lot of us, I grew up watching Johnny
Carson every night and the chance to one day sit in that chair has
meant everything to me. I worked long and hard to get that
opportunity, passed up far more lucrative offers, and since 2004 I
have spent literally hundreds of hours thinking of ways to extend the
franchise long into the future. It was my mistaken belief that, like
my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and, just as
important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time
schedule. Building a lasting audience at 11:30 is impossible without
both.

But sadly, we were never given that chance. After only seven months,
with my Tonight Show in its infancy, NBC has decided to react to their
terrible difficulties in prime-time by making a change in their
long-established late night schedule.

Last Thursday, NBC executives told me they intended to move the
Tonight Show to 12:05 to accommodate the Jay Leno Show at 11:35. For
60 years the Tonight Show has aired immediately following the late
local news. I sincerely believe that delaying the Tonight Show into
the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously
damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of
broadcasting. The Tonight Show at 12:05 simply isn't the Tonight Show.
Also, if I accept this move I will be knocking the Late Night show,
which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on to Jimmy Fallon,
out of its long-held time slot. That would hurt the other NBC
franchise that I love, and it would be unfair to Jimmy.

So it has come to this: I cannot express in words how much I enjoy
hosting this program and what an enormous personal disappointment it
is for me to consider losing it. My staff and I have worked
unbelievably hard and we are very proud of our contribution to the
legacy of The Tonight Show. But I cannot participate in what I
honestly believe is its destruction. Some people will make the
argument that with DVRs and the Internet a time slot doesn't matter.
But with the Tonight Show, I believe nothing could matter more.

There has been speculation about my going to another network but, to
set the record straight, I currently have no other offer and honestly
have no idea what happens next. My hope is that NBC and I can resolve
this quickly so that my staff, crew, and I can do a show we can be
proud of, for a company that values our work.

Have a great day and, for the record, I am truly sorry about my hair;
it's always been that way.

Yours,
Conan

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