days, and my girls listen to it while we're out running errands.
Yesterday, my 2 1/2-year old was "browsing" the cereal aisle singing
"Keep it gay! Keep it gay! Keep it gay!". Hmm, I think we'll go back
to Ralph's World for now, but that was funny as hell.
- Jim
William H Bowen wrote:
>Santa likes Bourbon out our place.
>
>Last Christmas at dinner with friends/coworkers my daughter chimed in
>with, "Santa likes Daddy's brand!" 5 is such a cute age.
>
>:)
>
>will
>
>Jim Campbell wrote:
>
>
>
>>Heh, good memories - I first read this - wow - maybe 6 or 7 years ago on
>>our trusty 7100/80 AV PowerMac that we'd spoofed an IP for so we could
>>connect to the school's network. Anyway, a friend of mine dug it up on
>>a newsgroup and we were in tears after reading it. Just the mental
>>image of a bunch of reindeer bursting into flames, I guess.
>>
>>Anyway, they don't take into account Santa having to take along
>>approximately 8 tons of Maalox after eating an (estimated) 180 million+
>>cookies and drinking at least half that many glasses of milk, although,
>>oddly, Mom always put out cognac for Santa at our place...
>>
>>- Jim
>>
>>C. Hatton Humphrey wrote:
>>
>>
>>
>>>Reminds me of a funny I read about when a team of Engineers sat down to
>>>figure out if Santa Clause truly existed... Here's the results:
>>>
>>>Hatton
>>>
>>>The Engineer Reflects - Is There a Santa Clause?
>>>
>>>No known species of reindeer can fly, BUT there are 300,000 species of
>>>living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are
>>>
>>>
>>insects
>>
>>
>>>and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only
>>>Santa has ever seen.
>>>
>>>There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world, BUT since
>>>Santa doesn't appear to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist
>>>children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total, or 378 million
>>>according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate
>>>
>>>
>>of 3.5
>>
>>
>>>children per household, that is 91.8 million homes. One presumes
>>>
>>>
>>there's at
>>
>>
>>>least one good child in each.
>>>
>>>Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different
>>>
>>>
>>time
>>
>>
>>>zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west
>>>
>>>
>>(which
>>
>>
>>>seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say
>>>that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has
>>>
>>>
>>1/1000th of
>>
>>
>>>a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the
>>>stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever
>>>snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the
>>>
>>>
>>sleigh and
>>
>>
>>>move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops
>>>are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be
>>>false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we
>>>
>>>
>>are now
>>
>>
>>>talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75� million miles,
>>>not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31
>>>hours, plus feeding, etc.
>>>
>>>This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000
>>>times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest manmade
>>>vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per
>>>second -- a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.
>>>
>>>The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that
>>>each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the
>>>sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably
>>>described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more
>>>than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1)
>>>
>>>
>>could
>>
>>
>>>pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or
>>>
>>>
>>even
>>
>>
>>>nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload -- not even
>>>counting the weight of the sleigh -- to 353,420 tons. Again, for
>>>
>>>
>>comparison:
>>
>>
>>>this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.
>>>
>>>353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air
>>>resistance -- this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as
>>>spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer
>>>will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy per second, each. In short,
>>>they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer
>>>behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire
>>>reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second.
>>>
>>>
>>Santa,
>>
>>
>>>meanwhile, will be subjected to G-forces of 17,500.06 times greater than
>>>gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be
>>>
>>>
>>pinned to
>>
>>
>>>the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.
>>>
>>>In conclusion -
>>>
>>>If Santa ever DID deliver presents of Christmas Eve, he's dead now.
>>>
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: Jim Campbell [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>>>
>>> We had equations and charts spanning maybe 40 sheets of
>>> paper (both sides), but realized it would be folly. The electricity
>>> required to move the train that fast would brown out almost the entire
>>> US west of the Continental Divide, not to mention the almost certain
>>> liquifecation of the passengers, which would really put the kibosh on
>>> vacation plans.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>
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