much older :)
"Excess ain't rebellion, you're drinking what they're sellin'"
one of my favorite songs, and - ironically enough - I have a Cake
t-shirt. Hmm...
- Jim
William H Bowen wrote:
>My kids, 9 and 6 (she's aged a bit since Christmas) also sing along to
>David Gray and Dave Matthews.
>
>"one drink to remember and another to forget..."
>
>one of Fiona's favorite songs is "Nugget" from Cake's Fashion Nugget,
>with that catchy chorus:
>
>"Shut the fuck up/
>Learn to buck up/"
>
>But she knows when it's okay to sing it and when not.
>
>Jim Campbell wrote:
>
>
>
>>So is 2. I've had "The Producers" soundtrack in the car for a couple of
>>days, and my girls listen to it while we're out running errands.
>>Yesterday, my 2 1/2-year old was "browsing" the cereal aisle singing
>>"Keep it gay! Keep it gay! Keep it gay!". Hmm, I think we'll go back
>>to Ralph's World for now, but that was funny as hell.
>>
>>- Jim
>>
>>William H Bowen wrote:
>>
>>
>>
>>>Santa likes Bourbon out our place.
>>>
>>>Last Christmas at dinner with friends/coworkers my daughter chimed in
>>>with, "Santa likes Daddy's brand!" 5 is such a cute age.
>>>
>>>:)
>>>
>>>will
>>>
>>>Jim Campbell wrote:
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>>Heh, good memories - I first read this - wow - maybe 6 or 7 years ago on
>>>>our trusty 7100/80 AV PowerMac that we'd spoofed an IP for so we could
>>>>connect to the school's network. Anyway, a friend of mine dug it up on
>>>>a newsgroup and we were in tears after reading it. Just the mental
>>>>image of a bunch of reindeer bursting into flames, I guess.
>>>>
>>>>Anyway, they don't take into account Santa having to take along
>>>>approximately 8 tons of Maalox after eating an (estimated) 180 million+
>>>>cookies and drinking at least half that many glasses of milk, although,
>>>>oddly, Mom always put out cognac for Santa at our place...
>>>>
>>>>- Jim
>>>>
>>>>C. Hatton Humphrey wrote:
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>>Reminds me of a funny I read about when a team of Engineers sat down to
>>>>>figure out if Santa Clause truly existed... Here's the results:
>>>>>
>>>>>Hatton
>>>>>
>>>>>The Engineer Reflects - Is There a Santa Clause?
>>>>>
>>>>>No known species of reindeer can fly, BUT there are 300,000 species of
>>>>>living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>insects
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>>and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only
>>>>>Santa has ever seen.
>>>>>
>>>>>There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world, BUT since
>>>>>Santa doesn't appear to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist
>>>>>children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total, or 378 million
>>>>>according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>of 3.5
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>>children per household, that is 91.8 million homes. One presumes
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>there's at
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>>least one good child in each.
>>>>>
>>>>>Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>time
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>>zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>(which
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>>seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>to say
>>
>>
>>>>>that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>1/1000th of
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>>a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney,
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>fill the
>>
>>
>>>>>stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>whatever
>>
>>
>>>>>snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>sleigh and
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>>move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>stops
>>
>>
>>>>>are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>to be
>>
>>
>>>>>false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>are now
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>>talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75� million
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>miles,
>>
>>
>>>>>not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31
>>>>>hours, plus feeding, etc.
>>>>>
>>>>>This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000
>>>>>times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>manmade
>>
>>
>>>>>vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>miles per
>>
>>
>>>>>second -- a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.
>>>>>
>>>>>The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>Assuming that
>>
>>
>>>>>each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>pounds), the
>>
>>
>>>>>sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably
>>>>>described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>more
>>
>>
>>>>>than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1)
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>could
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>>pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>even
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>>nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload -- not even
>>>>>counting the weight of the sleigh -- to 353,420 tons. Again, for
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>comparison:
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>>this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.
>>>>>
>>>>>353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air
>>>>>resistance -- this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as
>>>>>spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>reindeer
>>
>>
>>>>>will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy per second, each. In
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>short,
>>
>>
>>>>>they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>reindeer
>>
>>
>>>>>behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire
>>>>>reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>Santa,
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>>meanwhile, will be subjected to G-forces of 17,500.06 times greater
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>than
>>
>>
>>>>>gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>pinned to
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>>the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.
>>>>>
>>>>>In conclusion -
>>>>>
>>>>>If Santa ever DID deliver presents of Christmas Eve, he's dead now.
>>>>>
>>>>>-----Original Message-----
>>>>>From: Jim Campbell [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>>>>>
>>>>>We had equations and charts spanning maybe 40 sheets of
>>>>>paper (both sides), but realized it would be folly. The electricity
>>>>>required to move the train that fast would brown out almost the entire
>>>>>US west of the Continental Divide, not to mention the almost certain
>>>>>liquifecation of the passengers, which would really put the kibosh on
>>>>>vacation plans.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>
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