Subject: Pet notice-must read > > > >The following was found posted very lowon a refrigerator door. > >Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes on the floor with the paw prints are yours >and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. >Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate does not mean that is suddenly >your food, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. > >The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to > the top of the stairs is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I >fall faster than you can run. > >I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It Is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space that you are taking up, is nothing but sarcasm. > >For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some >miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not >necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under >the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I >entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline >attendance is not required. > >The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough. > >Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door: > >TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND COMPLAIN >(1) They live here....you don't. > > (2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. > > That's why they call it “fur"-niture. > > (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. > > (4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who >are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly. > >Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they: > > > (1) eat less, > > (2) don't ask for money all the time, > > (3) are easier to train, > > (4) normally come when called, > > (5) never ask to drive the car, > > (6) don't hang out with drug-using people; > > (7) don't smoke or drink, > > (8) don't want to wear your clothes, > > (9) don't have to buy the latest fashions, > > (10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and > > > (11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.....
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