*I love this !!!!!!!* *Ann * On Thu, Oct 6, 2011 at 6:40 PM, diana roller <[email protected]> wrote:
> ** > > > > > > *Subject:* Pet notice-must read > > > > > *The following was found posted **very low** on a refrigerator door. > ** > **Dear Dogs and Cats:** The dishes on the floor with the paw prints are > yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. > Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate does not mean that is suddenly > your food, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. > ** > **The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing > me to the top of the stairs is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help > because I fall faster than you can run. > > I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about > this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your > comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It > Is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the > fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and > having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space that you are > taking up, is nothing but sarcasm. > > For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some > miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not > necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under > the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I > entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline > attendance is not required. > > The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other > dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough. > > Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the > front door:* > > *TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND COMPLAIN > (1) They live here....you don't. * > > *(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the > furniture.* > > *That's why they call it “fur"-niture. * > > *(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. * > > *(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters > who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly. > ** > **Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:* > > *(1) eat less,* > > *(2) don't ask for money all the time,* > > *(3) are easier to train,* > > *(4) normally come when called, * > > *(5) never ask to drive the car,* > > *(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;* > > *(7) don't smoke or drink, * > > *(8) don't want to wear your clothes,* > > *(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,* > > *(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and > > * > *(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.....* > > > > > > No virus found in this incoming message. > Checked by AVG - www.avg.com > Version: 8.5.449 / Virus Database: 271.1.1/3938 - Release Date: 10/04/11 > 18:34:00 > > > >
