You know you've waited too long to find a mate when..... -- You overhear someone mention her husband's tie, and you ask how long it was, and you both stand there with blank expressions
--you think stripping is something you do to your terrier --you meet a guy named Bob and instantly visualize purple and gold rosettes [or red, white and blue if you're in Canada] --when you talk with your friends about sex, you're discussing progesterone testing, vaginal cytology, and artificial insemination --you think nothing about loudly discussing studs and bitches in a fancy restaurant --you start seriously thinking about offering your dog at stud just so SOMEONE in the house is getting some action --the first thing you notice about a guy is what breed of dog he has --your biggest turn-off is a guy with an obnoxious untrained dog --you have ever ruled out a guy as a prospective date based on the breed of dog he owns --you dismiss all the guys your mother introduces you to as "not breeding quality" --you never could stick to a diet to impress a guy, but you can do it to cut 2 seconds from your time on the agility course --your only nice jewelry features either dogs, dumbells, or rosettes --you think it really would be easier if you just had yourself spayed --when you talk about "scoring" you mean how you did at last weekend's obedience trial --your dog has more letters after his name than the last ten guys you've dated, and actually completed obedience school --you start using operant conditioning techniques to get what you want from your boyfriend, and you won't let him read your copy of "Don't Shoot The Dog" --you think that maybe your current guy has potential if you use the proper combination of positive reinforcement and the occasional well timed ear pinch --you "people watch" at the mall by making mental lists of the conformational faults each bypasser has to contribute to the gene pool --you think if you ever did marry and have children that you wouldn't have to buy a playpen because you already have an extra x-pen --you give all of your married friends child rearing advice based on our extensive background in dog training --your mother's worst fear is that you'll have a child and make it wear a pinch collar --your mother's second worst fear is you'll get married and your dog will be in the wedding party --you actually have friends whose dogs HAVE been part of the wedding party --when your cousin tells you how much her wedding costs you think how many show quality puppies that could buy you --you can imagine using a shock collar on your best friend's children, but would never dream of putting one on your dog --all of your friends always include your dog in any invitation they issue to you. Of course, you reciprocate because you only have doggy friends left - the others have stopped inviting you places because you insist on bringing the dog! --Guests on Jerry Springer make you think about starting a campaign for "early childhood spay/neuter" --when you read the personal ads you skip past the vital statistics and rule out any that don't say "animal lover" --your dog has a gold crown on his fractured tooth (you were afraid if you had it pulled he'd have a sloppy dumbell pickup) but you haven't been to the dentist in three years --you know your dog's cholesterol but not your own --your idea of a great practical joke is seeing if anyone notices if you seed Charlie Bears in the bag of oyster crackers --when you lament to your friends about chronic yeast infections, they don't know you're talking about your dogs ears --you spent seven years to get your DVM and charge $40 for a semen collection and evaluation, only to discover a legal hooker in Las Vegas with no formal schooling gets $100 and only does the first part --your blind date last night had more offspring by more different bitches than the top sire in your breed last year. --you worry you'll embarrass yourself in public by "flagging" when you see a cute guy --you last had a professional portrait done for your high school graduation but you just spent 50% of your dog's purchase price having his done by the best canine photographer in the country --you don't have any hair spray and have to use Crown Royal Bodifier from your grooming bag --you and your dog use the same kind of hairbrush, --you spend 8 hours grooming your dog for a show the day before, and 1.25 minutes ponytailing your hair the morning of. --you think that people with bad bites shouldn't be allowed to breed --your mother is ecstatic to see you browsing the aisle with the hair coloring, after hounding you for three year to try highlighting - only to be disappointed when she finds you are looking for the exact right shade of black to "touch up" your rusty tricolor --when someone mentions single bars, you wonder if they are talking about utility or agility jumps --when you go "clubbing", you have your choice of the all breed club, the specialty club, the training club, or the parent club --you once made earrings out of old rabies tags, and all your friends wanted a pair --your non-doggy friends can't understand why you're so excited about your new CD. --the only other group of people who have as much familiarity with DNA testing as your doggy friends is the OJ jury ========================================================= "Magic Commands": to stop receiving mail for awhile, click here and send the email: mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]?body=SET%20CKCS-L%20NOMAIL to start it up gain click here: mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]?body=SET%20CKCS-L%20MAIL E-mail [EMAIL PROTECTED] for assistance. 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