THE HUMORIST'S DICTIONARY OF DOG SHOW TERMINOLOGY =================================================
ANGULATION - Degree to which dog handlers will bend over backwards to impress the judges. BALANCE - How to arrange the checkbook so your husband won't know how much money you spent on dog shows last month. Usually done in the bathroom with the door locked. BITCH - (A.) Name for a lady dog. (B.) name often overheard at dog shows, not always to describe a lady dog. COAT - The hairy covering of a dog that usually falls out about one week before the Specialty show. DAM - (A.) A lady dog with children. (B.) Expression frequently overheard at dog shows as losers leave the ring. ELBOW - Method of getting to ringside when late. EXPRESSION - Sweet look adopted by dogs while staring ravenously at chunks of liver. FANCIER - Degree to which some gentlemen handlers dress more than others. FEATHERING - What winners are accused of doing to judges' nests. FRONT - Part of the dog often stacked toward the outside of the ring. HEEL - (A.) What you feel like when your dog beats the one you had just sold to an eager novice. (B.) Expression often screamed to attract the attention of deaf dogs. HEIGHT - As in "Maximum Allowed", a measurement which all champions fall under by AT LEAST 1/8 of an inch. HOCK - A way of financing your dog shows by the use of jewelry such as wedding rings. KENNEL - Where you go when the kids fight and your husband yells at you. LITTER - Trash left all over the building and parking lot after a dog show. MASK - What to wear when you have to show the pet you sold six months ago. MUZZLE - What to put on your kids at a dog show to prevent them from calling your competition what they overheard you call him last night. NOSEPRINTS - Cute marks left all over your French doors. OUTCROSSING - What your husband tells the minister you are doing out in the kennel with the dog and the bitch. POINTS - Minute, invisible awards for winning which you cannot convince your spouse are more important than cash prizes. PUPPIES - Small, dog like food-processing machines with the ability to stink up an entire house and collectively deafen a band of magpies. (These creatures have not yet been perfected, as they come with a leaky system, and can also be dangerous to weak hearts and bank accounts Author Unknown; shared by Rosanne ========================================================"Magic Commands": to stop receiving mail for awhile, click here and send the email: mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]?body=SET%20CKCS-L%20NOMAIL to start it up gain click here: mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]?body=SET%20CKCS-L%20MAIL E-mail [EMAIL PROTECTED] for assistance. Search the Archives... http://apple.ease.lsoft.com/archives/ckcs-l.html All e-mail sent through CKCS-L is Copyright 2002 by its original author.
