Hi all,
Well tomorrow is the big day. I am have my first appointment with a new Onco here in Cincinnati. I did not want to leave my doctors in Louisville, despite having problems with Dr. Montez, but the drive every month was rough on me and my pocket book. So I really had no choice. I have to admit I am a bit worried. I am hoping this new doctor is not going to want to experiment on me, or want to change my treatment, because, despite the side effects I have with Gleevec it is keeping my blood counts within remission guidelines. They go up and down but have none of them have gotten into the danger zone. So in my mind if it is not broke don't fix it.
I have been worried for the past week about this visit and honestly dreading it, because every time I have seen a new doc(twice since being dxed) they always want to do a BMB. I know I am being a sissy, but to me they hurt like hell, and at CBC(where I was going) they were only going to give me a local and not medicate me any other way, at least until I told Dr. Huber that unless he wanted me to jump off the table it would be wise to give me something to remain calm..hehehe. One thing I can say good about the first doc that I fired was that he did a great job with my first BMB. Dr. Huber stabbed me at least 10 times when he was giving the local for my second BMB, and my hip was sore for weeks after. I guess I spooked him so much he wanted to make sure the local took..hehehe.
My biggest worry to be honest is when it comes down to my disability insurance company. I am not sure how many remember my recent post about Aetna calling me, but they have me pretty worried. I don't discuss it with Regina because she worries enough as it is about me. Not to mention I have been having one of my "bad" spells. For the last week and a half I have felt like crap, and the pain(the meds still help most of it) has been pretty bad. I have had to lay down every day, and despite having more good times then bad, when the bad times hit, it just reminds me of the fight I am in. Anyway, this thing with a new doctor, and Aetna changing what their definition of me being disabled is, has me very concerned. It is not that I do not want to work. Trust me, I would love nothing better than to be making the kind of money I was when I was able to work, and I loved my job. It is just if Aetna finds a way to not pay me I will be totally screwed, and if this new doc is one of those types that is not going to be supportive that could really cause me problems. I may be over reacting, but it just seems since Regina and I got together and I have tried to make a new life with her, we have had one thing after another go wrong. The one good thing so far is we are moving to a house, but there are worries there that we will be having a rougher time making it there. I keep my game face on for Regina, because she has Crones disease and does not handle stress well at all. She knows I have been feeling bad lately, but I just tell her it is the flu because I do not want her to worry to much. She told me a few weeks ago that sometimes in the middle of the night she reaches over and feels my chest to make sure I am still breathing, so I know she is worried about me allot. I keep telling her if I go it will not be one of those over night things and not to worry, but I know she still does.
I am sorry for such a long post, but since I have moved here to Ohio, I really do not have anyone to rant to, my family(back in Indiana) were not supportive at all about Regina and I hooking up, and even though my mom and I speak on the phone, I can't talk to her about concerns because she either goes into "I told you so" mode, or worries more than she already probably does.
So I really do not have anyone here I feel I can talk to. Don't get me wrong Regina is very supportive, it is just she has health issues herself and worrying about me just makes hers worse. One good thing that happened recently is I have gotten back in touch with my birth father. I call him that because he and my mom divorced when I was young so I never really got to know him. He lives in Colorado and works for the Air Force doing something(classified) and seems to want to be in my life, but like I told him, for now it is going to have to be through email and over the phone, because I do not know when or if I will ever have the money to visit. The thing is I now understand why things turned out the way they did between us.(another story way to long to tell) I told him I do now understand, and will not pull away from him like I use to in the past, so I guess we will wait and see. Well I have to go, sorry for being so long, everyone take care,
Terry
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