Little Johnny came home early from school and started calling his
mother with no answer.
He finally went up stairs and saw the bedroom door was open a little.
When he peered in, he saw his dad on the bed with the maid so
he quietly went outside and waited for his mother.
When she showed up with some groceries, he said
"Mommy, Mommy guess what I saw? I saw daddy upstairs on the bed
with the maid and they were......." and his Mother said,
"Stop right there, Johnny". Wait until supper tonight when the
maid is serving the meal. When I wink at you, then tell me the story."
At supper when all were seated and being served by the maid, she
winked and Johnny began again.
"Mommy, When I got home from school early today, I was looking for
you and saw daddy on the bed with the maid. They were doing the
same thing that I saw you and Uncle Phil doing at the cottage
last summer."
============
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients
to operate on.
The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my
operating table, because when you open them up,
everything inside is numbered."
The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians!
Everything inside them is color coded."
The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the
best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction
workers...those guys always understand when you have a
few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer
than you said it would."
But the fifth surgeon observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians
are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and
no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable."
=======
A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he
would see walking down the side of the road. He would swerve to hit him
and there would be a loud "thump" and then he would swerve back on the
road.
One day as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest
hitch-hiking.
He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over.
He asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?" "I'm going to the
church 5 miles down the road," replied the priest.
"No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck."
The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver
continued down the road.
Suddenly, the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and
instinctively he swerved to hit him.
But, then he remember there was a priest in the truck with him,
so at the last minute he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing
the lawyer.
Even though he was certain he missed the lawyer, he still heard a
loud "Thud."
Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirror
and when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said,
"I'm sorry, Father. I almost hit that lawyer!
"That's okay my son," replied the priest. "I got him with the door."
==========
Sister Mary Catherine and Sister Mary Elizabeth are walking through the
park when they are jumped by two thugs.
Their habits are ripped from them and the men begin to sexually assault
them.
Sister Mary Catherine casts her eyes heavenward and cries, "Forgive him
Lord, for he knows not what he is doing!"
Mary Elizabeth turns and says, "Oh, Oh, Mine does...Oh , migud"
======
