[So what's going on for me personally and physically is I'm having trouble moving and pursuing goals. When this happens it takes me a few days to branch out and perform "new" behaviors again. At first I lay still. Then I mighy do simple things like videogames, at first spasmodically. Today I did better, but I'm having trouble eating. It seems to relate to a fragmentation of my experience in the context of a part of me that doesn't trust my behaviors or believes it has a job of stopping them. It could just be powerful dissociation.
I'm not looking for aid or such saying this,immediately, i am just practicing being more conscious or aware, like journaling. I'm trying this email out. I expect with more practice id be able to say something much clearer and more helpful about my experience. When I'm not doing something as complex I can experience it as suffering (and often have pseudoseizufes). So posting to the list "gives relief" in that I'm performing a behavior that is more coherent to me, and experiencing some parts of me appreciating something I am doing, and things like that.
