FROM: PENTAGON HQ EM 1072A
TO:   POTUS (President of the United States)
RE:   Update

Mr. President,

Regarding the troublesome group of British "ColdFusioners" (CIA still
trying to determine exact meaning of term), our efforts to date have not
been successful. We have tried buying them off and intimidating them but
neither tactic has proven successful. Our operative in the group,
code-name "TAZ", reports that the group gets stronger daily.
Unfortunately, he is completely non-technical and so has no idea exactly
what the ColdFusioners are talking about. I don't mean to say "I told
you so", Mr. President, but you WILL remember that I advised against
hiring agent TAZ, despite the fact that you and he are so close. In
short, Mr. President, "a good drinking buddy does not an operative
make."

But back to the group. We thought, of course, about sending in an
assasination team, but frankly, Mr. President, these guys are more
likely to kill themselves than the enemy. One only has to think back on
our attempts to rid our own hemisphere of a certain bearded dictator
with a taste for fine cigars. My latest plan is to put out high quality
technical books using the special M207 ink (code name: Persuader)
developed at Langley. The hope is that the ColdFusioners will be
attracted by the quality of the books and we'll count on the special ink
doing the rest.

Hal Helms
Director
Decentralized Intelligence Agency


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