On Tuesday, 13 December 2016 at 05:27:01 UTC, Andrei Alexandrescu
wrote:
I'm about to fall asleep, but I made a quick pass through the
piece. Here are a few nits:
Thanks for an extensive feedback, Andrei! I've followed up 99% of
fixes given here[1], but unfortunately I'll be unavailable for
the rest of the day, so I'm passing the torch (or the hot potato)
to Ilya.
* "we’ve been actively refactoring" -> define the team; so far
the article referred to the author as a single person
I've done the coding, but couldn't have done it without Ilya's
consulting, so I put the 'Mir team' there. Hope thats ok.
* "On my machine" -> "On a Core i7 laptop with xyz GB or RAM
and xyz other relevant parameters..."
There are specs shown at the top of the post, so I thought it
would be best just to remove the "On my machine part". Again, I
hope that's alright.
I suggest making two passes through the piece: (a) one pass
should reduce fillers that are abundant ("as you can see", "as
I'll show you", "as said in the docs"...) A few are fine
(perhaps 2-3 in the whole article. Then (b) one pass looking
for unified use of "I" (most likely: the author, use
sparingly), "you" (the reader, use sparingly), and "we" (most
likely: the author and reader looking together at something).
As I've demonstrated, I'm quite unexperienced with writing. :)
So, thanks for the feedback, I've learned a lot! If I catch some
time during the day, I'll be sure to take another glance at it!
The results are terrific, congrats Ilya and Relja!
Andrei
Thanks a lot Andrei!
Relja
[1] https://github.com/libmir/blog/pull/32
