There's 'solving the problem' and then there's 'meeting the letter of the law/order'.
This is a problem that can't be truly solved with technology, and Christopher states. However, sometimes you have to jump through hoops to keep the officials happy and then work the 'human' issue off-line. Show due diligence for the law - it's the law, after all. There's only so much that technology can do, but you have to do all that you can - and then apply psychology and incentives/disincentives/bribes??? to complete the real picture. This is true with all kids - natural/adopted/foster/any... but I feel for anyone who has to come late to the picture, it's challenging enough when you have influence from birth! There's also the challenge of 'not being their real parent'. The more turmoil, the worse. I was adopted, but just after birth, and this was never an issue for me. Kids who go through this later in life often have a *LOT* more issues. (I got to see this with some of my own cousins.) Please help Adam's friend with best 'make do' answers that this very creative group can come up with - it's a tough situation to be in (I know parents who have been in similar situations too) and technology is making many things worse while it's making other things better. There is definitely no perfect (or even near-perfect) answer - but if you were thrown into a situation with a new adoptee/foster child who needs protection - what are all the things that you could/would do? (Think: cell phones with location monitoring, looking at cookies and logs of searches and locations visited). Remember that children do not generally have the same right of privacy from their parents that adults do - but IANAL, so you may want to research the law before you go too far. My own take would be to communicate as much with the child as possible - and with teenagers, this might be very limited - monitor what I can, rather than lock down too much - evasion is more likely if a barricade is erected than if simple monitoring is involved. If the child is precocious but not on the offensive, then letting the child know that monitoring is in place may be appropriate. If the child is more sneaky and evasive, then you just have to do what you can. And - the situation can change at any instant. Kids grow and learn quickly! These problems can be exacerbated if the child has other issues (developmental, psychological, substance abuse, a history of physical/mental/sexual abuse) - you need to tread extra carefully in these kinds of extenuating circumstances. I really feel for your friend, Adam - parenting is a tough job at the best of times, but can be truly overwhelming when you have to start with the (even near-) teens! - Richard Christopher Manly wrote: > > >> >> I have to agree. You're trying to solve a problem that can't be solved >> with technology, it can only be solved with parenting. > > It's not possible to completely prevent contact, true. However, > making a reasonable attempt to supervise the child's communication > with her birth parents does at least comply with the order given. > > I guess a big question in the actual implementation is how willing is > the child to comply with the order? If the child is dead-set on > subverting it, the best you can hope for is to "check the box" > > Getting back to the technical side.. what about setting up a closed > mailing list with the child as the only subscriber. Make it > moderated, but designate whitelisted addresses as approved posters, > and you can be the owner/moderator of the list. (I can't recall > offhand if any of the opensource mailing list managers offer this sort > of configuration these days, also.) > > Have her "published" email go to the list, and then it forwards stuff > to the "real" account. > > Would that work? > > Christopher Manly > [email protected] <mailto:[email protected]> > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > > _______________________________________________ > Discuss mailing list > [email protected] > http://lopsa.org/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/discuss > This list provided by the League of Professional System Administrators > http://lopsa.org/ > _______________________________________________ Discuss mailing list [email protected] http://lopsa.org/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/discuss This list provided by the League of Professional System Administrators http://lopsa.org/
