On Jan 31, 2009, at 11:21 AM, curtisdeltablues wrote:
It boils down to compatibility for me too. There are signs. I'm a fan of the waiter test. She how she deals with the waiter on your first dates. Obviously if she gets angry at a person in a position of service that is a bad sign. It is also revealing if she can ask them for what she wants and get them to get it in a pleasant manor. I have to be with a person who treats people kindly, but can be assertive and expressive enough to get their needs met. I don't want to hear after the meal that she hated it but couldn't ask for more "whatever" that she needed to enjoy her meal. I pretty much know if I don't see any books at her place that this is not going to be a match. She doesn't have to be into the same music I am, but it is an alert if she has no musical opinions or preferences. And the food thing...my first dates were usually to a Vietnamese dive that serves amazing food. They know how to singe the pork to caramelize it with just a touch of blacked bitter spots without drying out the center. (They do the same with Tofu for vegetarian dates.) It takes a cook who cares enough to get it right. I take a lettuce leaf and put in a little vermicelli noodles, a bit of pork, a spoon of fish sauce based dipping sauce, a leaf or two of mint, wrap it up and hand it across the table. The woman I've been with the last few years closed her eyes and sunk all the way into one of the best flavor balances found in cooking. When her eyes opened again I knew she got it! It wasn't that we shared the same food tastes, it was how she was able to embrace a new taste with complete abandon! Because I am ravenously omnivorous, I can't expect my mate to match my diverse tastes in food. But I do need a person who knows that familiarity is at the heart of our taste preferences. And it takes very little exposure to make a foreign dishes become your own comfort food" in my experience. They don't need to like everything I like, but I need someone adventurous enough with food that they will try something new. This way of approaching food often maps across to other choices in a person's life... And now the deal killer list. She can't be the kind of person who will escalate unpleasantness to get what she wants when she knows it is not what I choose. If she attempts to bully me into doing something I don't want to do, it is over. I don't treat people in my life that way and it is non-negotiable. And the real sweethearts never try because they care what I want. And I do the same for them. It sounds obvious but if you have ever been in a relationship with a person who violates this principle, you will understand.
I hope others weigh in on this topic. Nice call Sal. I agree with pretty much all of that. I would also add feeling like the person is (or could be) your best friend is really nice. A deal-breaker would be either the grudge-holder (sort of what you've said above) or the guy looking around the room at every other woman. Sal
