--- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, turquoiseb <no_reply@...> wrote
Barry: Trying to make sense of the meltdown yesterday, in which "doubling down on insanity" seemed to be the operating principle du jour, I shall try to compact the blessedly short impressions of it all that I got from watching it unfold in Message View, to make them even shorter: Robin: I felt the insanity possessing me, Barry, but I thought my bedazzling and sophistical rebuttals might just overcome the cold objectivity of your mind. I was incorrect: I got called on it--Wish you had intervened a little sooner--but then I felt your attitude was not quite sympathetic enough, even when you did. While I grant the truth of almost all that you say on FFL (most especially when an issue is being controverted passionately), I think you make it harder on me than you realize: you want me to get a deeper perspective, but--maybe I am now paranoid here--I get the feeling--not always, but sometimes--that you are judging me, that even you are casting me out, giving up in me, then. I know you don't mean to be this fatalistic about me, but it would mean a great deal to me, Barry, if you at least encouraged me to amend my behaviour. Mind you, don't get me wrong: I appreciate the truth--and you dish it out prodigally here at FFL--it is just that sometimes--not always, as I say--it doesn't have enough sweetness in it for me to swallow it right then and there. And I am inclined (can't help this) to begin to rationalize and self-justify as soon as there is a little lapse of time--which explains of course the fact that I appear to be terminal. I need only some proffering of hope and faith, Barry. I know you are willing to give it to me. Some mercy, then, Barry. Still, reading this is salutary. And I thank you. Barry as Voice 1: "It now appears that Vaj was telling the truth about having known me and attending my seminars in the past, but on another level he still has to be lying because he remembers me as a deranged psychopathic charlatan, not the totally awesome person *I* remember me as." Robin: There was a slight tinge of the "totally awesome" when I pretended I was enlightened, Barry, but the "deranged psychopathic charlatan":-- I always knew throughout those ten years that was closer to the truth. Vaj has refused to become credible on FFL as someone who knew me and attended seminars, because he wants to give me his loving criticism, but he is protecting me by making sure he sounds as if he really didn't know me and didn't attend any seminars. It is an algorithm of truth which no one but God and Vaj know. But guess what, Barry? I get it--and if the truth be known, I have always got it. This is a charade. And it is about time that I was called on it. Folks, Vaj has acted like a dishonest witness to Robin's past because he wishes to strike the truth into me--which he has--while at the same time giving me the means to refute him, even as in that act of attacking Vaj, I am aware of this most exquisite form of martyrdom. Barry as Voice 2: "Hi, I'm back, and still as needy and as starved for attention as before. Feed me." Robin: This seems too straightforward for commentary. Of course this is true. But it seems too obvious to have said, Barry. The only problem is, the feeding is never enough. And I don't understand this. But the neediness, I am working on that big-time. Is there some way you can prevail upon the posters here at FFL NOT TO FEED ROBIN? The deprivation, it will, I think, heal me. No; I have changed my mind; I think it was important that my exact thoughts and feelings get represented here in Voice 2. So, no harm done, Barry. This was necessary. I wonder whether that neediness and starvation comes from? Ah, I think I know: I am starving myself of contact with the Impersonal God in my fanatical adherence to this first-person ontological thing. No, that can't be it. You are making contact with the pathology, Barry; what do *you* think is its etiology? Barry as Multiple Voices: "Nothing has changed what we know and believe. We are still attached to the same crazy people we were before, and will defend them no matter how crazy they get. Robin: No, no. This defending of crazy people, this is compassion, Barry. You think that those who write in support of me are duped by me. You are wrong. They are part of the same collective compensatory mechanism which seeks my cure. You are for tough love. They, their stratagem is more sophisticated: I assure you, Barry, most of these persons have a much harsher and more hopeless view of me than you do--but at least they are giving me a chance. First, by seemingly to reinforce me. But in effect it is like the Special Olympics all the way--they don't really mean what they say. And I am somewhat surprised you can't see through this ruse--benignly motivated as it is. They agree with you entirely--so I think you should not go after the very persons who diagnostic determinations about me are more severe than your own. They have all, every one of them, told me this offline. Barry as Mutiple Voices: And we still hate the same people we hated before, and will continue to scream at them every chance we get, because that makes *us* look more sane, doncha know. Robin: Well, here you are uncontradicted. I am embarrassed at the screaming--not to say the hatred. I don't know how you keep your equilibrium, Barry, and come back at them with disinterested charity and reason. But I happen to agree with you that finally this has got too much, and you had to speak the truth. I think this just might shame them, Barry. But we'll see. I do agree also that to scream and hate does not enhance the impression of sanity--But you forget, Barry: *It is all an act*. As I have explained. Barry as Multiple Voices: The only thing we're upset about is that the people we hate won't respond to us and let us scream at them even more. Bastids." Robin: Well, that is the most obvious psychological triumph, Barry, that you refuse to post any reaction to these *seemingly* berserk and maddened persons. But again, I caution you: these peoplel are dissembling. Still, I take you response here to be an honest one and an exemplary instance of what Susan keeps drawing out attention to: That Barry is always reasonable and temperate and kind and loving. Even when his sense of injustice almost gets the better of him. Just going through the process of recognizing the soundness and generosity of this post has done me good, Barry. Let us then be friends.
