For those who pride themselves either on their corpulent egos or their
misguided belief in their own writing abilities (or both), we are
pleased to announce a mini-contest on Fairfield Life. The duration of
this contest extends through the rest of 2013, and will be repeated
annually. The recipient will receive the coveted Robin Carlsen
Narcissism Trophy, a large statuette of the word ME carved by a known
artist from a solid block of bullshit, and then gold-plated.
The rules of this contest are simple:
* You must write a number of "serial posts," each with the same
Subject line, each lambasting some personal enemy who has affronted you,
and whom you must officially Take To Task, For The Greater Benefit Of
Humanity.
* Each of these serial posts must be (in honor of the poster whose
name adorns the trophy) a minimum of 3,000 words in length. You may
"pad" your entries somewhat by including long quotes from the person you
are ragging on, but if the word count of these quotes exceeds your own
verbiage, you risk disqualification.
* Each of the serial posts in a series must have a singular focus, in
that most of the rants have to be trying to "get" one specific enemy. Of
course you can throw in the occasional tirade against *other* people on
this forum you hate, but again if you include too many, you risk
disqualification.
* The number of posts to be included in this series is up to you, but
be warned that the "standard" in this contest was set by its namesake,
so any number less than five in a row, separated by any more than a day
between posts, will be perceived (and rightly) as the slacking it is.
* At the end of your post series, to qualify for the award you must
present an impassioned, whiny plea/demand to the hate-object you are
ragging on (and to anyone else reading your post series) to RESPOND, and
in fact respond by arguing with you about *every* point you made. You
are free to impugn their character in any way you want if they do NOT
respond, and you are free to make multiple whine-posts demanding a
RESPONSE, even after the series is over.
Points will be awarded for the total number of posts per series, total
word count, and amount of sheer invective hurled, as well as lack of
creativity and bad writing (which we assume is a given for anyone
entering the contest).
Extra points will be awarded for achieving near-Robin-like levels of
manic narcissism and obsession, as demonstrated by the posts being made
late at night, well after midnight posters' time, staring glassy-eyed at
the screen and spewing venom non-stop in a veritable shitstorm of
invective. (This should not be a problem for anyone choosing to enter
such a contest, judging from past history.)
*Serious* extra points will be awarded to posters taking their *own*
faults and weaknesses and projecting them onto their enemy.
Good luck, and may the Best Narcissist win...
