TM was SUPPOSED TO GIVE ME THAT INTEGRITY!
Exactly - the whole thing was based on a fat lie.
>
On 9/13/2014 12:36 PM, danfriedman2002 wrote:
>
Mikey,
Nice summary.
But let's allow Daveyoung to say his peace before we summarize it in
one sentence. You get to do that all the time.
There's more to it than your sentence.
>
Apparently they were both held against their will - one was forced to
sleep on the floor at the TM Center and one of them got a pod to sleep
in. What I want to know is why they didn't just get a job and pay their
own rent? Niether one seems to have graduated from school. Go figure.
>
------------------------------------------------------------------------
*From:* Duveyoung <[email protected]>
*To:* [email protected]
*Sent:* Saturday, September 13, 2014 12:44 PM
*Subject:* [FairfieldLife] Re: My anger is my proof
I guess I do come off as "blaming" more than I should. Cuz, hey,
Willy's right that if I had had any integrity, I would never have
allowed myself to be, what?, abused? by the TMO. But, hey, again, TM
was SUPPOSED TO GIVE ME THAT INTEGRITY!
I was and am still easily interpreted as wacko -- depends on the frame
through which you're looking at my stuff. From some frames, I pass
muster, but others.....yessh.
I never had a good plan for life -- always just running to the next
safe place where I could maybe get my shit together. Always with
exigencies pushing me down the road instead of following my bliss.
Fingers always crossed that the technique would change me before
everyone found out how thick the mask I wore was.
I really was a true believer for a while there, and during that time,
THEN, how the TMO handled me could be described as fraudulent,
abusive, etc. When I put my faith in you -- give you personal power
over me as I did with Maharishi -- the betrayals are all the more
bitter....because, of course, it is so hard to clearly take ownership
of ones part in the debacle.
After 5 - 8 years, all the initiations, ATRs, yeah, from then on, it
was me "holing up" and "hiding out from real life" to a great degree.
By then I'd seen clearly that the assholes of the movement were
merely normal assholes that had come the to movement and had never
been psychologically improved, and never would be improved fast enough
to justify bending a knee to their non-enlightened "intent to do
Maharishi's work."
But by then, I knew myself enough to know I didn't resonate with the
"normal life" offerings extant, and so the years flowed past as I
waited and hoped I'd get the clarity to target something better...or
at least more attainable than enlightenment. Meanwhile the kids were
in a school that I could trust more than a public school, I had a
dozen irons in the fire for making money in FF, and I had a nice
social life and community. There were no other places for
me-in-my-fix to go. Or so I thought....as time passed, karma came and
forced me into various "partial" clarities.
And of course, anyone evolves given decades of life processing, so all
the issues of being in the cult were very transformative as much as
any other kind of life would have been. This wisdom-via-aging is then
very hard to separate from "wisdom gained because of TM." -- and the
TMO of course took credit for the least titch of anyone's
improvements. Grrrrrrrrr.
