on 12/13/05 9:13 PM, Tom Pall at [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote:
I used to lie in bed at night as a child, especially during the Summer when you're forced to go to bed while it's still light out, and feel terror. What would happen when I died? What if the Czech nuns were wrong? What if I don't go to Heaven or Hell? What if I just go off someplace and spend eternity alone? Up until a year or two passages like this one below would arouse terror in me. There was a time in which I didn't exist? There will be a time in which I'll cease to exist? Now I would take comfort being Alfie in Annie Hall who married a philosophy major from Vassar who whenever she got mad at him she proved that he didn't exist.
I don't exist. I am a mere dream of the Cosmos. I am a mere program running in the Matrix. I am that thing which neither existed nor non-existed. I was all potential but not manifest. I was a seed that had not sprouted. And I will return to the soil from which I grew. I am no longer afraid.
This of course drove and droves my EMDR therapist nuts. He asked many times if it didn't seem like an old soul in a new body (God I wish it were at least a newer body), not to lead me on, but to bring closure to what I was experiencing at the time. I am now declared by him and a committee of such therapists to be a cured survivor who should give up this TM business, because it just brings up trauma they want to vaneer over. He riles when I refer to this as "the body" or "the intellect" or "the mind". He sees that as depersonalization. I explain its a style of speaking learned from my cult leader and I go back to saying "my body", "my intellect" and "my mind" so he doesn't feel he's violating the oath of office. He still suppects that TM is a form of hypnosis, but presented a paper at EMDRIA about the fastest, most profound plowing though and desensitizing of someone to an amazing amount of trauma in a relatively short amount of time. Unlike most other clients, I didn't need a few months to work up to a session and a few months to get over it. I shit it out, flushed the toilet, felt better.
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