>From "Adventures of a New Age Traveler" by Mariana Caplan
"Jake, if we are going to hang out together I need to feel like you're
really here with me and not always so detached," I opened the floor.
"But who is the `you' who wants to hang out with the `me'?"
"I am the me and you are the you!"
"There is no difference, so we can never really be apart or
togetherit's all the same."
"You're full of shit."
"But who do you think is the `me' that is full of shit?"
"I think it is YOU!"
"Who's getting angry?"
"I'm getting angry."
"Look into my eyes, what do you see?"
"You."
"Look more deeply. Now what do you see?"
"I see a lonely man who thinks he's enlightened."
Extremely frustrated and teary-eyed, I walked away and sat on a log
by the stream trying to figure out why it was so important to me to
try to get through to him.
"Why did you come all the way over here to cry?" he sat down beside
me, fully believing in his own innocence.
I looked at him with that end-of-the-relationship look in my eye.
"Because there is no one there to hold me if I cry, and I'd just as
soon cry alone than cry with nobody."
And in this way came and went a couple more Zen boyfriends. Yet in
the end, I blame not them but myself. For as distant, arrogant,
righteous and terrified as they were, it was I who sought them out, I
who tried to open them in the ways I wanted them to be open, and
ultimately I who recreated my childhood pattern of not feeling loved
by eliciting the same response in my relationships. I could have just
dated a nice Jewish boy after all.
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