actually, I think I meant to ask if I am horrible if I don't euthanise her, not if I do. She is clearly suffering to some extent. Every once in a while she seems to need air, meows and breathes with her mouth open, and if we open a door or window to the cold air she settles down. I gave her another dex shot (last one over 24 hours ago), and she started purring a little and walked a little better. Earlier today we realized she had dried diarrhea caked all over her behind, as if she had sat down in it during the night. I washed it off, which took a long time, and she purred very loudly during the whole thing and put her butt up in the air for me to wash and dry it. It was heartbreaking and cute at the same time. I am thinking of asking the vet to come over tomorrow. My heart is against it, but my mind says she is going through something that she does not have to. I decide it, and then after looking miserable for 30 minutes, she looks at me and starts purring, or checks out a food bowl and eats about a spoonful of baby food. And I think no, wait until she is in more distress than this. I have injectable valium in the fridge, given to me almost two years ago. I was thinking that if she goes into distress I can give her that and then call the vet. I looked it up online, though, and it said that IM valium can be painful, and that in a small number of cats it has the opposite than wanted effect, ie makes them hyperexcitable. She had hyperexcitability when she came out of anesthesia from having her bladder stone removed, so I worry about that. I also have telazol that was given to me for Simon-- I gave him half the shot to knock him out when he went into distress and he went to sleep and later died in his sleep. I kept the rest of the shot. The needle is not clean, obviously, but I guess at that point it would not matter. It is also two years old. In fact, he died two years ago tomorrow. How strange is that? All of my positives have died between the dates 12/31 and 2/22-- less than a 2 month span in deep winter. It seems like it must not just be coincidental, but like winter knocks their immune systems, even though they are inside. so I have been thinking we can just stay with her until she goes into distress, tranquilize her then and call the vet. But is it fair and right? Is episodic extreme weakness and open mouthed breathing, if it lasts only a few minutes, acceptable to live through if a half hour later she can eat a little food and purr? What about having crusted diarrhea on her, if she then likes having it cleaned off? She seemed in good health 3 weeks ago. I can not believe how fast her decline has been. I don't know if any of you remember, but in late December I emailed saying that she seemed to be gaining weight but only in her belly, and that I thought it might be fluid and could she have fip. Everyone said no, because she was not sick otherwise. But I think it must have started then, oddly enough, and she just did not show symptoms for another 3-4 weeks. I think now i should have taken her somewhere, that if the fluid had been found then, and maybe her anemia, I could have started her on feline interferon and epogen and maybe they actually would have worked. I started them too late. And then I think that none of the success stories I have read about with feline interferon and fip concern and felv+ cat, and at least we had a few weeks thinking things were ok, and not forcing meds on her. I don't know. So painful. Michelle In a message dated 2/4/2007 3:06:11 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, [EMAIL PROTECTED] writes:
Michelle, I don't think you are horrible for considering euthanizing Lucy. You've thrown everything but the kitchen sink at her and she hasn't responded the way you hoped and now it seems you've come to the agonizing point of resolving yourself to the fact that your intervention won't be able to turn her around. This is only my intuition talking, perhaps I'm wrong, but you still seem desperate to control the situation, helping her cross is the final thing that you could do for her. I fully realize how much you love her, that everything you've done has been with her best interest in mind, I'm confident that Lucy feels that way too. She's been such a trooper through all this, she's still purring when you and Gray pet her, she's still licking at her food, she's still grateful for the time she can spend with you. As long as she's still showing you that she wants to stay, I would back off of all meds except those that might make her more comfortable, (perhaps just Pred and maybe saline nose drops for the congestion), and let her take it from here. I know how you and Gray feel about euthanasia, if that is what you decided to do, make sure it is coming from your heart and not your head. Listen to her, she will tell you when/if she is ready. My heart and thoughts are with you, Nina
