Dear Melissa:
I think that all of us who do rescue have been there, done that, when it
comes to potential adopters who appear to have all/most of the qualities we are
looking for and "seem" so interested in a particular cat(s) but then do not
follow through, or turn around and adopt a cat elsewhere and just not bother to
tell you until you call to find out why they haven't gotten back to you to
finalize the adoption. I know it can be frustrating beyond the solace of ice
cream, but it seems to come with the territory.
My take on this is that if someone is really, REALLY enamored with the cat
you have available, they will be pestering you to find out if their references
were to your satisfaction and wanting to know how soon they can welcome the
cat into their home. Some people have a difficult time making a commitment and
don't like to tell you what they assume you don't want to hear, i.e. that they
aren't sure they really want that particular cat, but just in case they can't
find anything they like better will go through the motions. So you get your
hopes up and do your part, only to be disappointed. It is especially
frustrating when the kitty in question really seems to like them.
Yes, it is rude to waste your time and let you get your hopes up...that a
furkid you have rescued and loved has finally found that special forever home
that he/she so deserves. It shows that their basic orientation is to satisfy
their own needs and not be very concerned about the feelings and needs of
others.
And if that is so, I have to question if they are the sort of people with
whom I want to place a cat...will what is in that cat's best interests be
foremost among their priorities? If those people have so little concern for
the
emotional needs of cats that they can't realize (if they truly do want more
than
one cat) it would be far better for them to adopt a pair of siblings rather
than two unrelated kittens, I would seriously wonder how good such a home would
be for the cats in question.
I refuse to be pushy when it comes to placing one of my cats...if a person
isn't sure that one of my cats is THE kitty for them, so be it. If they don't
contact me soon after meeting the cat, our interview & submitting an
application, to confirm an appointment for a trial visit with the cat in their
home, I
will call once, maybe twice, as a reminder to make sure they are still
interested, but after that if they don't follow through I write them off. I
know some
rescue organizations who have many cats and may feel a lot of pressure to get
them adopted, period, may be less discriminating and when someone expresses an
interest but is kind of lukewarm will really push to convince them to adopt
and almost pursue them about it. I suppose there are some people who do just
need a push to make a commitment and once they do will make good cat parents,
but I would never want to place a cat with someone that wasn't truly committed
of their own volition. For me that helps weed out what I consider impulse
wanna be adopters from those who have really thought it through and will be
dedicated to giving the cat a loving home for its lifetime.
Some people come to adoption events, or to see a cat in my home, expecting to
be able to take the cat home with them. I know that is the way it works at
most animal shelters, but I think most independent rescuers ask for and verify
references as you do before deciding to complete an adoption. My own policy
is to schedule a trial visit with the cat to the adopter's home and I
personally deliver the cat so I know where it will be and I can see the home
and
observe how the cat reacts. If all seems to be OK, I will leave the cat for a
trial
adopption and tell them when they are sure the cat seems to be adjusting and
they are satisfied it is a good match, then the adoption will be finalized. I
will take the cat back if it doesn't seem to be working out. In some cases
when I've had doubts or there seemed to be a problem, I've asked the cat with
the help of an animal communicator what his/her take on the situation was to
figure out whether or not a problem was resolvable.
I recently had a case that really disappointed me, too. A very nice
middle-aged couple with no kids and three cats (two oldsters and a young one
they had
adopted from kids taking the precious little furball door to door) were taken
with one of my V-girls (a litter of six ferals now 1 1/2 yrs. trapped at about
8 wks.old) who was about the same age as their youngest. Victoria seemed to
like them well enough and after interviewing them I had a good feeling they
would be wonderful cat parents and that she could be happy with them. A few
days later a trial visit was arranged and I took Victoria to their home...I
could
see that their other three cats were well cared for (like spoiled rotten) and
while I did have reservations about the fact they had a pet door and allowed
their cats to go in and out, they lived at the end of a quiet street and their
yard was enclosed and shaded with trees and quite secluded. Victoria walked
around investigating the new surroundings and seemed to be relatively at ease.
Just the same, I suggested they confine her to one room for a while until
she got to know them before allowing her the run of their large, lovely home
with the other three cats. Since they already had more than one cat I assumed
they would be savvy about introducing a new one to the home and what to expect.
But, as it turned out, a week later I got a call saying they did not think it
was going to work, that all Victoria wanted to do was hide under the
furniture and they had not been able to touch her since I left...she would only
come
out to eat. They were afraid if she figured out how to get out the pet door
they would never find her and they didn't want to keep it shut so their other
cats could not get in when they wanted to. If they had thought to call me
after
2-3 days and told me there was a problem, I might have been able to go over
and help them work out a way to facilitate the adjustment that they could live
with. But by the time they called me, they had already decided she was not
going to adjust quickly enough to suit them, and my conclusion was if they were
not any more patient than that and expected a new kitty (especially one who
had been feral) to instantly adjust to new people and new surroundings AND new
cat companions, then it was not the right home for Victoria. I suggested if
they wanted to get another cat to be a playmate for their youngest (who was
pestering their two oldsters) they should consider a younger cat and not a
former
feral who might adjust more quickly. I was very disappointed because it
would probably have been a wonderful home for just about any cat who was lucky
enough to fit in there. The couple were dedicated cat lovers, financially
secure
and obviously provided excellent care for their other cats. I think that if
they had been willing to give her a bit more time and effort, Victoria would
have eventually fit in well with the rest of their "family." But the bottom
line is that if they weren't drawn to her enough to be willing to make that
effort, it was a lost cause. So, Victoria came back home with me and was
welcomed
back into the fold by her mom and two remaining sisters. They will be two
years old in April '05 and the odds are getting slimmer by the day -- most
potential adopters are looking for cute, cuddly kittens -- but I have to
believe that
it just wasn't meant to be and that eventually Victoria (and the others) WILL
be able to have a loving forever home and be someone's special kitty.
I guess I have to admit that, like Nina, I am much better at rescuing than I
am at adoption. I am proud to say that all the kittys I have placed have
gotten exceptional homes...there just aren't enough such homes out there for
all
the homeless cats we need to place. And that is why most of us will always
have
too many cats to suit Animal Control.
Do you have your kittens bios & photos on any websites? Do you take them to
adoption events at any stores that have a critter-friendly clientele? Are
they friendly with strangers or do they, like most of mine, pig pile in the
litter box in a display cage or have the urge to dive under furniture when
someone
they don't know comes into the room? I know how frustrating it can be. Hang
in there!
Sally in San Jose
P.S. Did the ice cream help? What flavor brings the most comfort?
Personally I prefer licorice ice cream (makes your tongue black like you've
been
eating tar!) but no one seem to make it any more.
