Don't be too hard on yourself, I happen to think you pulled off
Chapter 5 rather well.
On 8/26/07, The Eternal Lost Lurker <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
>
> I've been reading all the comments on the rather blatant, and frankly
> incredibly weak, infodump which comprised most of this chapter.
>
> I was already well aware of how badly this read. It's one of those cases
> where you have to get the thing done, but finding a way to do it that
> doesn't read like...well...*that* is dicey.
Lets be honest, you were depicting a Q&A between Ami & Luna, I'd be
worried if it WAS interesting. :)
>
> I have done extensive tweaking to the chapter in question, particularly to
> the exposition section, and have somehow managed to add an extra five pages'
> worth of material besides--even MORE exposition. X_X
THIS worries me. Someone else brought this up and I'm going to remind
you of it. This version of Luna started off as a rank-and-file foot
soldier and even now is only Artemis's lackey. How much info can she
have?
Although I am looking forward to the scene where everyone finds out
just how big of a bastard Artemis really is. Case in point:
One count of statutory rape (Makoto)
Another possible count (Minako)(come on now, he has to be doing
something to have kept her hanging on this long.
Multiple counts of murder (those zombie came from somewhere and you're
making it pretty obvious who did the deed.)
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