couch On Mon, Sep 6, 2010 at 11:23 AM, Ray Harrell <[email protected]> wrote:
> In my day we called it the casting coach. > > > > REH > > > > *From:* [email protected] [mailto: > [email protected]] *On Behalf Of *Arthur Cordell > *Sent:* Monday, September 06, 2010 10:55 AM > > *To:* 'RE-DESIGNING WORK, INCOME DISTRIBUTION, EDUCATION' > *Subject:* [Futurework] plus ce change.......... > > > Flirting your way to the corner office Antifeminist? Hardly say advocates > — it's just another kind of networking > > http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/38943620/ns/business-forbescom/#<http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/38943620/ns/business-forbescom/> > > > > Some years ago, a female manager at a large global bank based in New York > received a curious e-mail. "Nice shoes," it read. Her 4-inch black suede > heels had obviously impressed the sender, a male senior partner. "He had > exceptional taste," she recalls with a chuckle. "I thought to myself: I'll > file that away." > > The partner was a decision-maker in the company and a good person to have > on her side. From that day on, whenever she had a presentation and knew he'd > be in the room, she paid special attention to her footwear — never flats, > always stilettos that added another four inches to her already-striking > height of 5'8". "Flirting? I call it efficiency," she says. > > Flirting, after all, is one of the oldest tricks in the book. But how do > you use it to your professional advantage without crossing the line or > inviting unwanted advances? > > "Using flirtation is just smart," says Nicole Williams, author of "Girl on > Top: Your Guide to Turning Dating Rules into Career Success." "If you need > someone's help, use the tools available to you. It's naive to think it has > no place at work." > > Williams, however, is aware that not everyone agrees with her. She says > it's an unpopular view with feminists, who believe that women who flirt in > the office diminish their talent and intelligence, and with men, who feel > more vulnerable to sexual harassment suits. To the critics, she says: "It's > empowering. Flirting is one of many assets that you can work to get ahead." > > "It's a touchier topic from the male perspective," weighs in Shawn Graham, > author of "Courting Your Career: Match Yourself with the Perfect Job." He > believes this strategy can be risky because the success of flirtation > largely depends on how it's received. Most women, or men for that matter, > don't want to express literal romantic interest or be seen as the "office > flirt." So it involves subtlety. "Platonic flirtation can be a great way to > build relationships and rapport with coworkers," Graham concludes. > > How, then, does one effectively — and platonically — flirt? > > Williams describes professional flirtation like an extension of good > networking skills. Many of the same rules apply: Maintain eye contact, > smile, show interest by asking questions, listen. Then comes a dash of > flirtatious nuance. Williams defines flirting as an effort to make the other > person feel confident and attractive (the dictionary definition isn't far > off: "to behave amorously without serious intent"), so she also advises > giving an authentic compliment or offering a touch on the hand. > > One recent law grad put the theory to test. Earlier this year, Samantha, > 25, had been feverishly applying for summer internships on Wall Street to no > avail. She couldn't seem to get any second-round interviews. A friend > suggested they go to happy hour at a bar in New York's financial district > and try to network. It was packed with men, so Samantha decided to turn up > the charm. She flirted with a few of the bankers. She made eye contact, > asked them questions about themselves, leaned in to show her interest and > laughed, a lot. > > It worked. She secured a follow-up coffee meeting with a high-ranking man > in the banking industry who helped her land a prestigious summer associate > position at his company. While in the job, she's continued to use some of > the tactics with coworkers in the hopes of making inroads to a full-time > position. "It can be a great tool for women, if you can back it up with > knowledge and experience," she says. "It helped me get my foot in the door, > but don't think you can go in with nothing else and flirt your way to a > job." > > Besides, all well-intentioned flirting can easily backfire, Graham > cautions. He advises that you err on the side of conservatism and know your > audience. "Read how people react to you," he says. "It can be dangerous if > the person reacts the wrong way." > > Williams learned this firsthand. Early in her career, she crossed the line. > She'd been in a meeting with superiors, frequently emphasizing points by > touching one on the hand. Later, the group went out for dinner and drinks. > When she came out of the restroom, one of the men cornered her and said, > "I'll give you something to touch." > > Looking back, she says, "Over dinner and drinks, I should have stopped > touching." Now she warns others to pay careful attention to how your actions > are being received. If the other person is uncomfortable or seriously > interested, back away. > > Heather Owen practices employment law as a partner at Constangy, Brooks & > Smith in Jacksonville, Fla. She says if you're flirting to get ahead, you're > usually dealing with a superior, so the chances of being pinned by a sexual > harassment suit are unlikely. However, she fervently warns against any > supervisor attempting to flirt with someone below them. "Using any authority > to assist with harassment results in the company being liable." > > Owen notes, too, that junior employees still need to be cautious. "The > definition of legal harassment is unwelcome conduct of a sexual nature," she > explains. "When somebody is flirtatious, it indicates a welcomeness back." > In other words, if your actions are misunderstood and suddenly you become > the victim of harassment, earlier examples of flirtatious behavior may make > you seem complicit. > > "Flirting is one of the most strategic tools you have, but there is a > risk," Williams agrees. "As soon as you make people feel uncomfortable or > there's a power imbalance, back off. That's the law." > > © 2010 Forbes.com > > _______________________________________________ > Futurework mailing list > [email protected] > https://lists.uwaterloo.ca/mailman/listinfo/futurework > > -- Sandwichman
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