"Couch" or "coach" doesn't really matter. But what the extreme feminists
are in denial about is that a beautiful girl can sleep, or be driven, her
way to the top if she chooses her successive men carefully enough.
KSH
At 13:23 06/09/2010 -0700, you wrote:
couch
On Mon, Sep 6, 2010 at 11:23 AM, Ray Harrell
<<mailto:[email protected]>[email protected]> wrote:
In my day we called it the casting coach.
REH
From:
<mailto:[email protected]>[email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Arthur Cordell
Sent: Monday, September 06, 2010 10:55 AM
To: 'RE-DESIGNING WORK, INCOME DISTRIBUTION, EDUCATION'
Subject: [Futurework] plus ce change..........
Flirting your way to the corner office
Antifeminist? Hardly say advocates it's just another kind of networking
<http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/38943620/ns/business-forbescom/>http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/38943620/ns/business-forbescom/#
Some years ago, a female manager at a large global bank based in New York
received a curious e-mail. "Nice shoes," it read. Her 4-inch black suede
heels had obviously impressed the sender, a male senior partner. "He had
exceptional taste," she recalls with a chuckle. "I thought to myself: I'll
file that away."
The partner was a decision-maker in the company and a good person to have
on her side. From that day on, whenever she had a presentation and knew
he'd be in the room, she paid special attention to her footwear never
flats, always stilettos that added another four inches to her
already-striking height of 5'8". "Flirting? I call it efficiency," she says.
Flirting, after all, is one of the oldest tricks in the book. But how do
you use it to your professional advantage without crossing the line or
inviting unwanted advances?
"Using flirtation is just smart," says Nicole Williams, author of "Girl on
Top: Your Guide to Turning Dating Rules into Career Success." "If you need
someone's help, use the tools available to you. It's naive to think it has
no place at work."
Williams, however, is aware that not everyone agrees with her. She says
it's an unpopular view with feminists, who believe that women who flirt in
the office diminish their talent and intelligence, and with men, who feel
more vulnerable to sexual harassment suits. To the critics, she says:
"It's empowering. Flirting is one of many assets that you can work to get
ahead."
"It's a touchier topic from the male perspective," weighs in Shawn Graham,
author of "Courting Your Career: Match Yourself with the Perfect Job." He
believes this strategy can be risky because the success of flirtation
largely depends on how it's received. Most women, or men for that matter,
don't want to express literal romantic interest or be seen as the "office
flirt." So it involves subtlety. "Platonic flirtation can be a great way
to build relationships and rapport with coworkers," Graham concludes.
How, then, does one effectively and platonically flirt?
Williams describes professional flirtation like an extension of good
networking skills. Many of the same rules apply: Maintain eye contact,
smile, show interest by asking questions, listen. Then comes a dash of
flirtatious nuance. Williams defines flirting as an effort to make the
other person feel confident and attractive (the dictionary definition
isn't far off: "to behave amorously without serious intent"), so she also
advises giving an authentic compliment or offering a touch on the hand.
One recent law grad put the theory to test. Earlier this year, Samantha,
25, had been feverishly applying for summer internships on Wall Street to
no avail. She couldn't seem to get any second-round interviews. A friend
suggested they go to happy hour at a bar in New York's financial district
and try to network. It was packed with men, so Samantha decided to turn up
the charm. She flirted with a few of the bankers. She made eye contact,
asked them questions about themselves, leaned in to show her interest and
laughed, a lot.
It worked. She secured a follow-up coffee meeting with a high-ranking man
in the banking industry who helped her land a prestigious summer associate
position at his company. While in the job, she's continued to use some of
the tactics with coworkers in the hopes of making inroads to a full-time
position. "It can be a great tool for women, if you can back it up with
knowledge and experience," she says. "It helped me get my foot in the
door, but don't think you can go in with nothing else and flirt your way
to a job."
Besides, all well-intentioned flirting can easily backfire, Graham
cautions. He advises that you err on the side of conservatism and know
your audience. "Read how people react to you," he says. "It can be
dangerous if the person reacts the wrong way."
Williams learned this firsthand. Early in her career, she crossed the
line. She'd been in a meeting with superiors, frequently emphasizing
points by touching one on the hand. Later, the group went out for dinner
and drinks. When she came out of the restroom, one of the men cornered her
and said, "I'll give you something to touch."
Looking back, she says, "Over dinner and drinks, I should have stopped
touching." Now she warns others to pay careful attention to how your
actions are being received. If the other person is uncomfortable or
seriously interested, back away.
Heather Owen practices employment law as a partner at Constangy, Brooks &
Smith in Jacksonville, Fla. She says if you're flirting to get ahead,
you're usually dealing with a superior, so the chances of being pinned by
a sexual harassment suit are unlikely. However, she fervently warns
against any supervisor attempting to flirt with someone below them. "Using
any authority to assist with harassment results in the company being liable."
Owen notes, too, that junior employees still need to be cautious. "The
definition of legal harassment is unwelcome conduct of a sexual nature,"
she explains. "When somebody is flirtatious, it indicates a welcomeness
back." In other words, if your actions are misunderstood and suddenly you
become the victim of harassment, earlier examples of flirtatious behavior
may make you seem complicit.
"Flirting is one of the most strategic tools you have, but there is a
risk," Williams agrees. "As soon as you make people feel uncomfortable or
there's a power imbalance, back off. That's the law."
© 2010 Forbes.com
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Sandwichman
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Keith Hudson, Saltford, England
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