i love you....tc :)
--- In gay_bombay@yahoogroups.com, "someoneforeverdear"
<someoneforeverdear@...> wrote:
>
> I am headed for a perfect disaster in my life
which I can predict
.I will end
> by committing suicide in distant future. I would like to make it clear it in
> the beginning itself that, this mail of mine is no attempt in hogging
> sympathy or a stint to become famous. I am already 33 and I cannot even think
> of a single two legged animal
that is known to me? Forget best or even good
> friend. My sis settled abroad and quite busy with her routine life. My
> parents are near 70
.relation with relative is merely there.
>
> I am in relationship since 3 years
but there is a quite an emotional gap. I
> will also set the record straight for my present partner, that he may have an
> objection on my declaring that he is emotionally distant from me. I would
> rather say that, its me who think so, that he is emotionally distant from me
> or I think, that he is selfish or disrespectful or simply gives a damn about
> my psychologically well being, which might not be the thought in his mind.
> Tragically he might give a damn about me but he is very conscious about what
> you all (practically strangers) think of him!
>
> If my mother survives my father's death, I will live a few years more. But
> god forbids if my father survives my mother's death
I will commit suicide
> within a year. Though, I will end my life after my mother's death for
> certain. Marriage was never an option for me but so is fucking loneliness!!!
> I have theoretically, practically and even psychologically did, doing and
> will do for this relationship to work. I was expecting that I will be awarded
> by being referred to as the best partner that one can possibly have but
> instead I am being blamed for things which were, are and would be out of my
> control.
> From my childhood...I saw the women of my house and practically everyone
> house being a victim of their male counterparts irrational, inhumane and
> utmost disrespectful and I made quite a fun of those who were self sufficient
> in continuing with their ordeal but today I am myself a voodoo doll. I had
> promised myself, that I would not be a victim and I very courageously and
> indiscriminately advised everyone around me. But today I have not stood my
> own ground
It's a pain
I have lost my self-respect.
>
> Today also I have very tiny some hope that I will get a deserving partner,
> why wouldn't I? I cook, I clean, I cheer, I care and cry for my partner love.
> But that tiny some is really worry some
What if I don't? I have survived this
> relationship by burning my self respect, at the cost of my deserving care and
> love.
> I just hope I get the deserving courage to take the first step, which would
> be my last step in ending my misery, because if I live, my misery would be 10
> folds more.
>
