Hi Gjs, Thanks for the feedback - these make a lot of sense! We're going to take your general sentiment and a few of your changes and weave them in.
Thanks Jishnu On Tuesday, May 7, 2013 3:06:20 AM UTC-7, Gijs Kruitbosch wrote: > Thanks for encouraging a discussion about this! I think the general > > structure of the text is great. Being a nitpicky person, I have some > > nitty remarks, generally trying to make the phrasing simpler, less > > technical and easier to understand (which is a little difficult because > > it's a technical feature and some geekery is unavoidable, perhaps). I > > don't think any of these changes are *necessary*, but I personally think > > they might help make the text more easily readable; use what you wish! > > > > On 07/05/13 01:12 , [email protected] wrote: > > > Firefox Health Report (�FHR�) is a feature in Firefox designed to > > "Firefox feature" rather than "feature in Firefox" ? > > > > > provide you with insights about your browser�s stability and > > > performance. FHR does this by collecting data and sharing it with us > > > in a way designed to minimize our ability to identify your browser. > > > > How about "designed to make sure we can't identify you personally" ? > > > > > Our systems aggregate your data with that of other Firefox users and > > > then send it back to your browser so you can see how your Firefox > > > performance compares to others. FHR does not send us URLs from your > > > browsing history. > > > > Can we use a less technical phrasing than "URLs from your browsing > > history"? Maybe "FHR does not send us your browsing activity or history." ? > > > > > We use the data sent through FHR to provide users with FHR�s > > > functionality, such as helping you analyze and address performance > > > issues with your browser. We also use the insight we learn from the > > > > I am not a native speaker, but I don't think insight is "learned", it is > > "gained". Alternatively, "We also use what we learn from ...". > > > > > FHR data in the aggregate to make Firefox and our other products > > > better. We may disclose aggregated FHR data openly in order to help > > > further our mission of promoting openness, innovation and opportunity > > > on the web. We aim to be transparent about FHR and you can learn more > > > about the exact data being sent to us in the feature itself. If you > > > wish, you can disable FHR data sharing in Firefox settings or the > > > feature itself. [Learn more about FHR]. [URL to support page] > > > > Instead of "you can disable FHR data sharing", how about "you can choose > > not to share your FHR data with us" ? > > > > Generally, I would like to have a simpler word for "aggregate" (which I > > would consider stats/tech jargon), but I can't think of anything much > > better (perhaps "combined" but that's less precise and might not do for > > our purposes here). :-( > > > > Cheers! > > Gijs _______________________________________________ governance mailing list [email protected] https://lists.mozilla.org/listinfo/governance
