One alternative approach could be to 

a1) make all rooms be non-anonymous to know the real-jid of each participant 
OR 
a2) make sure users can't change their nickname and use the same throughout all 
rooms 
b) have a hidden default room (a lobby) that acts as a central hub sharing 
information about how's considered online 
c) use this lobby for direct messaging 
Well yes, these are possible options but as a client developer I can’t and 
wouldn’t want to enforce that. This has to be done at least partly from the 
server side and clients would need to adapt somehow. If you’re in control of 
everything, this is obviously easier. 



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