Finally!!  Science has caught up with the pressing needs of
modern women and the following new drugs are being released
in 2004!!  ( vbg )

-------------

D A M N I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8
full hours.

ST. M O M M A'S W O R T
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering
preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by
reminding you of  how awful they were as teenagers and how
you couldn't wait till they moved out.

P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone drink for single women.   Two full cups
swallowed before
an evening out increases breast size, decreases
intelligence, and prevents
conception.

D U M B E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ,
resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

 F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road
rage and the urge to flip on other drivers.

M E N I C I L L I N
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance
to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better
person ... Can we get naked now?"

B U Y A G R A
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases
potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your
birthday, anniversary or phone number.

A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone
too eager to share their life stories with total strangers
in elevators.



Clay Blackwell
Lynchburg, VA

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