I suppose it would be best if the official "befriender" were to be someone with superior social skills who would be able to read cues enough to back off, or be able to tell when "smothering" was occurring, likewise, when remarks that might inadvertently offend, are offending. Sigh. It is hard enough to recruit people in most groups to fulfill any role. I wonder if we could go down to the docks and demonstrate lacemaking in an effort to attract a lot of cruise directors into the groups to perform this function. Over years of attending many groups, not just lace groups, it has been my observation, that at any particular time there are quite a few people who are new themselves, or attend meetings infrequently, and when they don't recognize a face, they don't know if it is because it is a new face, or it is someone who has been there for years. Consequently, they feel shy about reaching out to the person because they may be committing a faux pas. Frequently, as well, those people who have been coming for years may be so excited to see their friends and talk about the myriad things that they have to co-ordinate that they do not see the lonely newcomer in their midst. The newcomer feels awkward and alone, concludes it is not a friendly group and does not put the next meeting on her calendar. I myself have been attending a new group (not a lace making group) for the last two years, rather intermittently. The person who brought me into the group does the newsletter and runs the audio visual equipment and doesn't have time to introduce me around, and we are actually only acquaintances, not really friends. When I see another person sitting without anyone to talk to, I frequently approach the person and compliment her on her attire. Since it is a textile related club, the attire is usually the work of the wearer and thus we have a brief conversation. They seem eager to get to know people, too, and welcome a conversation, since supposedly one of the benefits of the club is the networking and friendship with like minded people aspect. Yet, it really takes a lot of steeling myself, yes, even me :-), to approach a total stranger and start a conversation. Only rarely does anyone approach me even though I always wear lace jewelry in order to invite conversation. Now, my memory is not what it once was, and I sometimes don't recall whether I have approached certain people before, or the salient details that I should have recalled to comment on so as to try to "make a friend". I notice that sometimes the ones I remember don't remember me. I have come to appreciate, not only name tags, but the "ice breakers" that one used to be subjected to, and at the time loathed, such as everyone interviewing another person and telling about them to the group. Or the practice in my college where there freshmen were assigned a "big sister" from the junior class. In the schools my daughter attended, which were private schools, someone was actually assigned to have my daughter over for a play date before school started, so that she would have a ready social contact in the group. The EGA I belong to, has the newcomer stand up and then the president introduces her to the group with a brief description of her interests. Then we are supposed to welcome her and be nice to her. But I suppose, that a real loner would actually find these exercises painful and off-putting. I don't know. At my new textile group, it is constantly hammered home by the person who is the membership chair, and who would like to leave that job, that taking on that responsibility is a great way to meet people. But so far, my own attendance is so poor, in that it is quite difficult to get to the meetings, and I don't expect a hearty welcome when I get there, that I haven't taken on this desperation move. At my EGA, everyone has already been president and no one will agree to become president, so newcomers, if they are not careful, are sometimes catapulted into the presidency rather quickly. But this seems like a somewhat bizarre method of incorporating members. (The biggest incentive to attendance is that you might be elected to something in absentia.) How do other groups deal with the issue of keeping new members? It is a huge hurdle to get them in the door, especially if it is the door of a private home, because there is nothing more intimidating than entering a private home full of strangers.. Perhaps we should keep statistics of how many hours of demonstrating it takes to get someone in the door of a meeting and what the "yield" in terms of retaining them is once we get them. Devon
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