Ha! Post of the year! Robert Woodmansey <[email protected]> wrote:
>Just how stupid do I look? “Enter your PIN”, grunts the uniformed >Neanderthal who has just manhandled my job lot of Filets de Cheval >through the checkout at the local branch of “a major supermarket”. >Really? And there was me thinking I had to get my cock out and rub it >on your funny little machine to make it work…we’ve only had chip and >PIN in this country for the last fucking decade, you grotty little >serving twerp. Not everyone who passes through the doors of your >establishment would lose a battle of wits with the contents of the >shelves, or is rendered so feeble and incontinent by dementia that the >aisle needs to be mopped after they’ve walked down it. > >At least, that’s what I should have said. But being British and >relatively well-brought-up, I simply paid up and pissed off. There >would also have been no point in the above diatribe, because most of >the words in it would have been far too long to have registered much >more than the merest electro-chemical blip in the >junk-food-and-alcopop-stunted frontal lobes of the recipient. Take a >look around you the next time you’re queueing at a checkout and you’ll >realize that Planet of the Apes was in fact a groundbreaking and >prophetic documentary. > >It’s enough to inspire a degree of sympathy with the 83-year-old >Birmingham woman banned for life from her local Tesco for allegedly >“bullying” the staff when they neglected to serve her at the deli >counter with what she considered the requisite degree of >responsiveness. She was only after two slices of ham. Unfortunately, >whether or not she is actually guilty of ramming staff with her trolley >as alleged, she instantly loses all credibility with her >counter-argument to the accusation: “I watch Songs of Praise every week >for goodness sake, I hardly go around attacking people”. No, love, not >personally perhaps. But on the other hand, you do adhere to a belief >system based on fantasy, bigotry and a complete disregard for the >established facts of physical science that has over the centuries >accounted for untold millions of war dead, embraced torture as a means >of determining guilt or innocence, repressed just about every minority >you can think of and worst of all still persists to this day as a >legitimate component part of our state and government. > >But I digress. Poking fun at religious fantasists is too easy. At least >the lady in question could have been reasonably sure that what she >would have got at the deli counter, had she not attempted to emasculate >the serving ape with a trolley, originated from a pig, because you can >generally see what it is they are flogging you. > >The issue of the moment as far as supermarkets are concerned appears to >be that anything less immediately recognisable, i.e. anything packaged, >can no longer be guaranteed to contain precisely what is described on >the outside. This is a scandal of titanic proportions, so we are told. >Well, what a load of patronising, middle-England Daily Mail-reading >bollocks. The British public will quite happily gobble down all manner >of rancid, stomach-turning shit, by choice, without batting an eyelid. >Why? Because most of the great unwashed know no better, and have grown >up on…well…Coke, gristle and chips, basically. > >How are we topping the international leaderboard in obesity if we are >all so fucking particular about what we eat? Does the pallid, >acne-ridden job-avoider queueing at the kebab van give an ounce of >thought to the contents of that greasy pensioner’s leg revolving so >temptingly on the spit? Of course not. No, claiming that this is all a >crusade to defend the public’s health is disingenuous at best. The >whole thing smells worse than the festering contents of a fatty’s >unwashed rolls of flab. > >Somebody, somewhere wants to stick it to the retail food giants and the >meat trade. More than likely, some group of disaffected left-wing >vegetarian fairies lurking on the back benches with nothing better to >do now that it’s not their turn to fuck the country. The only people >who give a toss are the pointless media twats who exist only to >perpetuate crises and the politicians who instantly pop their heads up >like coked-up pinstripe meerkats the minute there is a whiff of >potential airtime. In any case, I can absolutely guarantee you that for >well over 90% of the kebab-and-pot-noodle-consuming general population, >horse meat would represent a radically beneficial shift in their >overall dietary health. > >So bring it on. Quite apart from anything else, more horse on the menu >means fewer fat-arsed equestrian toffee-noses self-righteously blocking >up the roads round my way…I just saw Labour's latest political >broadcast on immigration and "one nation Labour" and I'm heading form >the vomitorium > > > >_______________________________________________ >Leedslist mailing list >Info and options: >http://mailman.greennet.org.uk/mailman/listinfo/leedslist >To unsubscribe, email [email protected] > >MARCHING ON TOGETHER -- Sent from my Android phone with K-9 Mail. _______________________________________________ Leedslist mailing list Info and options: http://mailman.greennet.org.uk/mailman/listinfo/leedslist To unsubscribe, email [email protected] MARCHING ON TOGETHER
