Blimey Rob, had they run out of Coco Pops and fizzy vimto again?
On 7 Mar 2013, at 07:54, "Robert Woodmansey" <[email protected]> wrote: > Just how stupid do I look? “Enter your PIN”, grunts the uniformed Neanderthal > who has just manhandled my job lot of Filets de Cheval through the checkout > at the local branch of “a major supermarket”. Really? And there was me > thinking I had to get my cock out and rub it on your funny little machine to > make it work…we’ve only had chip and PIN in this country for the last fucking > decade, you grotty little serving twerp. Not everyone who passes through the > doors of your establishment would lose a battle of wits with the contents of > the shelves, or is rendered so feeble and incontinent by dementia that the > aisle needs to be mopped after they’ve walked down it. > > At least, that’s what I should have said. But being British and relatively > well-brought-up, I simply paid up and pissed off. There would also have been > no point in the above diatribe, because most of the words in it would have > been far too long to have registered much more than the merest > electro-chemical blip in the junk-food-and-alcopop-stunted frontal lobes of > the recipient. Take a look around you the next time you’re queueing at a > checkout and you’ll realize that Planet of the Apes was in fact a > groundbreaking and prophetic documentary. > > It’s enough to inspire a degree of sympathy with the 83-year-old Birmingham > woman banned for life from her local Tesco for allegedly “bullying” the staff > when they neglected to serve her at the deli counter with what she considered > the requisite degree of responsiveness. She was only after two slices of ham. > Unfortunately, whether or not she is actually guilty of ramming staff with > her trolley as alleged, she instantly loses all credibility with her > counter-argument to the accusation: “I watch Songs of Praise every week for > goodness sake, I hardly go around attacking people”. No, love, not personally > perhaps. But on the other hand, you do adhere to a belief system based on > fantasy, bigotry and a complete disregard for the established facts of > physical science that has over the centuries accounted for untold millions of > war dead, embraced torture as a means of determining guilt or innocence, > repressed just about every minority you can think of and worst of all still > persists to this day as a legitimate component part of our state and > government. > > But I digress. Poking fun at religious fantasists is too easy. At least the > lady in question could have been reasonably sure that what she would have got > at the deli counter, had she not attempted to emasculate the serving ape with > a trolley, originated from a pig, because you can generally see what it is > they are flogging you. > > The issue of the moment as far as supermarkets are concerned appears to be > that anything less immediately recognisable, i.e. anything packaged, can no > longer be guaranteed to contain precisely what is described on the outside. > This is a scandal of titanic proportions, so we are told. Well, what a load > of patronising, middle-England Daily Mail-reading bollocks. The British > public will quite happily gobble down all manner of rancid, stomach-turning > shit, by choice, without batting an eyelid. Why? Because most of the great > unwashed know no better, and have grown up on…well…Coke, gristle and chips, > basically. > > How are we topping the international leaderboard in obesity if we are all so > fucking particular about what we eat? Does the pallid, acne-ridden > job-avoider queueing at the kebab van give an ounce of thought to the > contents of that greasy pensioner’s leg revolving so temptingly on the spit? > Of course not. No, claiming that this is all a crusade to defend the public’s > health is disingenuous at best. The whole thing smells worse than the > festering contents of a fatty’s unwashed rolls of flab. > > Somebody, somewhere wants to stick it to the retail food giants and the meat > trade. More than likely, some group of disaffected left-wing vegetarian > fairies lurking on the back benches with nothing better to do now that it’s > not their turn to fuck the country. The only people who give a toss are the > pointless media twats who exist only to perpetuate crises and the politicians > who instantly pop their heads up like coked-up pinstripe meerkats the minute > there is a whiff of potential airtime. In any case, I can absolutely > guarantee you that for well over 90% of the kebab-and-pot-noodle-consuming > general population, horse meat would represent a radically beneficial shift > in their overall dietary health. > > So bring it on. Quite apart from anything else, more horse on the menu means > fewer fat-arsed equestrian toffee-noses self-righteously blocking up the > roads round my way…I just saw Labour's latest political broadcast on > immigration and "one nation Labour" and I'm heading form the vomitorium > > > > _______________________________________________ > Leedslist mailing list > Info and options: http://mailman.greennet.org.uk/mailman/listinfo/leedslist > To unsubscribe, email [email protected] > > MARCHING ON TOGETHER _______________________________________________ Leedslist mailing list Info and options: http://mailman.greennet.org.uk/mailman/listinfo/leedslist To unsubscribe, email [email protected] MARCHING ON TOGETHER
