Good evening, Netizens, even those on other planets... I, George Head Shrubbery, want you to know that Laura Head Shrubbery and myself are very proud of the free elections held Sunday in Iraq. Thanks to the superiority of American technology and graft, the Nation of Iraq held its first democratic election in as long as I can remember, and legally elected their first national assembly. Thanks to the bravery of those few citizens in Iraq willing to ignore the Uzi-submachine gun-toting soldiers and police eager to collect some graft of their own, the public election is pronounced as an unquestionable success.
We have, as our guest tonight, a woman who voted in that election Sunday. She is sitting immediately in front of a mother and father of one of our fallen Marines who was assisting Iraq by protecting a herd of camels in Infidel-held territories in Northern Iraq. [The House and Senate both rise and applaud, and this time the Joint Chiefs of Staff join them for the first time all evening]. Now about the Social Security crisis. There is no crisis, at least not yet. You will have lots of new choices, all carefully controlled and overseen by a select cadre of Halliburton employees, once they return from helping fight the war in Iraq. We *will* make good Republicans out of everyone *before* they become eligible for Social Security. We absolutely guarantee nothing, but your retirement money which is saved under this set of new programs will be safe as your holdings once were in Enron stock. We guarantee nothing, other than when you are ready for retirement, your money will be there waiting for you when *WE* say it is time for your to retire. There are some, mostly Democratic malingerers, who insist we have no exit strategy to leave Iraq. Nothing could be further from the truth. Tomorrow I am sending Candyleeza Rice to Israel to negotiate the peace between Israel and Palestine. Once the Iraqi people see for themselves how well freedom and liberty is working in the Greater Middle East, they will hand in their machine guns and invest in baseball cards and NFL clothing in time for the Super Bowl. That is our exit strategy. Once we pull those nifty NFL sweatshirts up over their heads, and click our red slippers together in unison, we'll be back home before anyone knows it! In closing, I am proud of the job Homeland Insecurity has done in protecting our country from terrorists since the horrible events of 9-1-1. We have managed to carefully spend billions of dollars, without really appearing to do so, in carefully scripted Republican-controlled bureaucracies without having anything to show for it. We have denied all civil liberties for anyone with whom we disagree, and despite all this, the people from Homeland Insecurity are our heroes. Ask them. They'll tell you. So if you ask me tonight about the State of The Union, all I can say is so long as we continue to enjoy a Republican majority in the House and Senate, are physically healthy, Conservative Christian and donate money to approved charitable institutions, the State of the Union couldn't be better. Dave -- Dave Laird ([EMAIL PROTECTED]) The Used Kharma Lot Web Page: http://www.kharma.net updated 11/24/2004 Usenet news server : news://news.kharma.net Fortune Random Thought For the Minute Q: What's the difference betweeen USL and the Graf Zeppelin? A: The Graf Zeppelin represented cutting edge technology for its time. _______________________________________________ Libnw mailing list [email protected] List info and subscriber options: http://immosys.com/mailman/listinfo/libnw Archives: http://immosys.com/mailman//pipermail/libnw
