>>The RFC forbids doing that, and I argued against it

The RFC and reality is two different things. If a client don't want to retry, I 
think they are free to choose to not retry.
Why even send retry requests to SendGrid?
Just accept the email, whats the problem?

If your antivirus or mail scanning solution requires some time, buffer the 
email at your server instead.
I do understand it creates the problem of, when deciding to keep or trash the 
email, SendGrid client is long gone,
And sending back an error would create backscatter.
But then, just silently trash the email if it is deemed virus or similar.

You could try using stream scanning and then when arriving at final decision, 
let client wait for some seconds before getting an scan result.

>>These are a pair of tickets for Hershey Park that a family has been waiting 
>>on for two days:

Your fault. You rejected the email with "Please retry immediately" just to mock 
with SendGrid.
If you have the possibility to set an IP to have custom reject text, you have 
the possibility to whitelist that IP (and/or domain) so mail pass unaffected.

>>SendGrid silently deleted them. We want your mail; 

If you want their mail, then accept it? Don’t reject with stupid things like 
"Please retry" for unknown weird reasons?
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