On Sun, 28 Aug 2005 09:45:14 -0400 Luis Villa <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
> If someone could proof/comment, I'd appreciate it. The goal was to put > the most interesting stuff (release notes, getting gnome) first, and > to clarify the language around each thing. Maybe a general note is allowed as well? I guess, this will be linked under w.g.o/download/ after the release. If you click a link called 'download', what is the most important information? I'd certainly not expect 5 paragraphs of text before the promised information is available. However, perhaps there's room for a better design next time. :-) Until then, I'd probably * use "of the free and popular multi-platform desktop..." * replace 'GNOME's focus is' by 'GNOME focuses on'. * break the sentence: "accessibility support. GNOME and ...." * include "...are meant to be usable..." (or "supposed to be"?) * add a paragraph break before "GNOME runs..." * replace "...release- what..." by "...release: What..." * replace "...and reboot- won't.." by "and "...reboot. It won't ..." Cheers, Claus -- marketing-list mailing list [email protected] http://mail.gnome.org/mailman/listinfo/marketing-list
