Hi Margaret,
This part of LILA is the razor's edge. I love ZMM,,, every
word... I've read it so many times it's become my pattern
too. Meaningful. Elegant. Profound. Comforting... I could almost
hum it from cover to cover.
These words below, spoken by the Lila character, represent the
Mystic. When you've gone through the seven gates and find yourself
hanging naked on a meathook, this is the (drum roll) TRUTH that is
presented. It speaks of the conventional world, the nominal world,
the world of patterns... Buddhism writes it on every other page,
and uses a penetrating logic, if logic is what you crave.
I think sometimes Ham gets it, but wants to turn it over to a
Zeus. Too hot to handle! But here too I think the Buddhists
actually have it right: COMPASSION.
Wow! Here I am writing like I actually know something. I don't.
Marsha
At 10:09 PM 9/7/2008, Margaret wrote:
glad you posted this Marsha - I've always thought this was a very
significant part of the book - literally AND figuratively.
> -----Original Message-----
> From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:moq_discuss-
> [EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of MarshaV
> Sent: Sunday, September 07, 2008 1:55 AM
> To: MD Forum
> Subject: [MD] Nobody's home.
>
>
> 'What?'
>
> 'I'm not going to answer any more of your questions.'
> 'Why not?'
>
> 'You're the detective. That's what you are. You think you're going to
> learn something. I don't know what, but you're not going to learn
> anything . . . You'll never find out who I am because I'm not anything.'
>
> 'What do you mean?'
>
> 'I'm not anybody. All these questions you're asking are just a waste
> of time. I know you're trying to find out what kind of a person I am
> but you're never going to find out anything because there's nothing to
> know.'
>
> Her voice was getting slushy. She could tell it was getting slushy.
> 'I mean, I used to play I was this kind of person and that kind of
> person but I got so tired of playing all those games. It's such work
> and it doesn't do any good. There's just all these pictures of who I
> am and they don't hold together. They're all different people I'm
> supposed to be but none of them are me. I'm not anybody. I'm not
> here. Like you now. I can see you've got a lot of bad impressions
> about me in your mind. And you think that what's in your mind is here
> talking to you but nobody's here. You know what I mean? Nobody's
> home. That's Lila. Nobody's home.
> 'You know what?' Lila said.
>
> 'What?'
>
> 'What you want to do is make me into something I'm not.'
>
> 'Just the opposite.'
>
> 'You think just the opposite. But you're really trying to do
> something to me that I don't like.'
>
> 'What's that?'
>
> 'You're trying to . . . you're trying to destroy me.'
>
> 'No.'
>
> 'Yes.'
>
> 'Well, you've completely misunderstood what I'm asking these
> questions for,' the Captain said.
>
> 'No, I haven't. I've completely understood it just exactly right,'
> Lila said. 'All men do that. You're no big exception. Jerry did it.
> Every man does it. But you know something? It won't work.'
>
> 'I'm not trying to destroy you,' he said.
>
> 'That's what you think. You're just playing around the edges, aren't
> you! You can't go to the center of me. You don't know where the
> center of me is!'
>
> That set him back.
>
> 'You're not a woman. You don't know. When men make love they're
> really trying to destroy you. A woman's got to be real quiet inside
> because if she shows a man anything they'll try to kill it.
> 'But they all get fooled because there's nothing to destroy but
> what's in their own mind. And so they destroy that and then they hate
> what's left and they call what's left, "Lila," and they hate Lila.
> But Lila isn't anybody. That's true. You don't believe it, but it's true.
> 'Women are very deep,' Lila said. 'But men never see it. They're too
> selfish. They always want women to understand them. And that's all
> they ever care about. That's why they always have to try to destroy them.'
>
> 'I'm just asking questions,' the Captain said.
>
> 'Fuck your questions! I'm whatever your questions turn me into. You
> don't see that. It's your questions that make me who I am. If you
> think I'm an angel then that's what I am. If you think I'm a whore
> then that's what I am. I'm whatever you think. And if you change your
> mind about me then I change too. So whatever Richard tells you, it's
> true. There's no way he can lie about me.'
> Lila took the bottle and took a swig down straight. 'The hell with
> glasses,' she said. 'Everybody wants to turn Lila into somebody else.
> And most women put up with that, because they want the kids and the
> money and the good-looking clothes. But it won't work with me. I'm
> just Lila and I always will be. And if men don't like me the way I
> am, then men can just get out. I don't need them. I don't need
> anyone. I'll die first. That's just the way I am.'
> After a while Lila looked around and saw that all the boats were
> lying straight in line just like the Captain said they would be.
> That's pretty good. He'd figured that out. She told him about it. He
> didn't say anything. He hadn't said anything for a long time.
>
> (LILA, Chapter 14)
>
>
>
> .
> .
>
> Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the
> stars.........
> .
> .
>
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