The QMTC (Queer Metro Transit Commission) was an upstart group of alternative transportation activists with a very queer perspective. We were loosely affiliated with NTN, and based in the dungeon level meeting room of Old Town In Town Cooperative. Sadly, before we could begin actual transit operations, the Highway Department up and killed the menacing 35W expansion and took away our cause.
An even more dire transportation crisis is approaching. And what does the Highway Dept. propose? A warmed over low calorie reheat of the same project we killed a decade ago- call it 35W expansion lite. Meanwhile, Republicans in our state and congress are about to strangle Metro Transit and Amtrak.
QMTC to the rescue! We will formally begin operations April 1st. We will buy the by then bankrupt Metro Transit's bus fleet for pennies on the dollar and turn our interior decorators loose on them. Operations will be changed from a scheduled route to a dial a ride system. As long as we're dispatching the buses by computer, a computer dating service will be a free benefit of the new QMTC bus services. We don't just get you there, we get you a date too! To maximize utilization of the fleet during the evening hours when it mostly sits parked, we will offer bar shuttles and candle light romantic tours.
QMTC will not limit its operations to buses. For those desiring personal rapid transit we will offer Vespa rentals. We will also bring home every last streetcar and put them back in service on the Hiawatha Line and other routes. Using innovative new "lightning construction" techniques, we will blow the pavement off numerous old streetcar lines and put them back into service. I'd advise staying off the old streetcar routes during next summer's thunderstorms.
But the crown jewel of QMTCs operations will be our high speed rail services. Using abandoned trains left behind after Amtrak's bankruptcy, we will use satellite based positive train control technology to allow safe 100+ mile per hour speeds. Our crews will be just as impressive, from our drag queen conductors to our diesel dyke engineers. As a special treat, we will operate a steam locomotive in daily passenger service on a random basis- giving every rider the chance to experience the romance of classic steam power.
Transit has become boring- no wonder ridership has been stagnant. QMTC will bring a new spirit to transportation. It starts with our slogan-
Take a ride on the wild side!
in best humor,
Dyna Sluyter, QMTC commissioner from Hawthorne
I've been hearing talk of a revival of the
Neighborhood Transportation Network (NTN) that
successfully saved Minneapolis from the peril of
MNDoT's expansionary dreams in the early 1990's.
The Access Project effectively represents the
incrementalization of the old expansion project that
was rejected, because it was forced by MNDoT to accept
expansionary elements, and some folks didn't realize
at the time that a bigger highway isn't worth the
mitigation "bait".
I think the revival of NTN is a good idea - does
anyone else have more information?
David Piehl
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