Cool, thanks for the feedback- frankly I am glad to get some input at times as most people seem fairly monosyllabic in their critiques if any- ha ha- these days- think I'm guilty of that also. I don't know what The Ship was about actually when I made it- tried to trust intuition. many thanks again,
best wishes, Simon On 29 May 2011, at 11:27, Michael Szpakowski wrote: > Hi Simon > I like this, in parts. It has moments of intense beauty and it > bursts with ideas, some of which seem to me to work more > successfully than others. > I've been looking at some of your other work - in particular > > 'Park House' > http://www.vimeo.com/17226732 > and > > 'Big Moth' > http://www.vimeo.com/17198361 > > which seem to me to be quite incontrovertibly triumphant. I think > what underpins this success for me is that these pieces are both > looser & wilder in their construction and more intense in their > content. In 'The Ship' the quasi-narrative form means less poetry > per minute plus all the traps of unevenness (and to some extent > cliche) that using performers brings. Frankly, I'm not sure how > much is gained by the "narrative" thread - it is still fairly > opaque and I wouldn't have guessed, without your gloss on the vimeo > page, that it is "A film about an artist with a dilemma. A poetic > take on split personality and narrative breakdown." > What seems to me makes for more powerful and unified work in the > other two is that the glue is your beautiful writing and (not to be > underestimated) extraordinarily charismatic speaking voice, > combined with a superb visual sense... they are *precisely* audio > visual lyric poems... > I can see that this could feel unsustainable over a greater length, > like that of 'The Ship' - the lyric approach could begin to feel > overcooked over more than about three minutes (although this never > stopped Brakhage). > I wonder whether the longer work needs more "scaffolding" - longer > rehearsal periods, more precise scripting, even , dare I say, > storyboarding ( although I can see the huge amount of work that > went into it as it stands). > warmest wishes > michael > > > --- On Thu, 5/26/11, Simon Mclennan <[email protected]> wrote: > >> From: Simon Mclennan <[email protected]> >> Subject: [NetBehaviour] a film called The Ship >> To: "NetBehaviour for networked distributed creativity" >> <[email protected]> >> Date: Thursday, May 26, 2011, 5:42 PM >> A film I made - I would be interested >> in feedback from anyone on net >> behaviour. Its about 6 minutes long and follows a sort of >> narrative. >> >> http://www.vimeo.com/17199370 >> >> Incidentally this film was accidentally stolen by thieves >> from my >> flat twice during editing- two separate times on two >> separate >> computers- now there's a chance for you. >> The first part is shot at Furtherfield Gallery, kindly lent >> to me for >> a couple of hours by Mark and Ruth some time ago. >> >> thanks, >> >> Simon >> >> _______________________________________________ >> NetBehaviour mailing list >> [email protected] >> http://www.netbehaviour.org/mailman/listinfo/netbehaviour >> > _______________________________________________ > NetBehaviour mailing list > [email protected] > http://www.netbehaviour.org/mailman/listinfo/netbehaviour > _______________________________________________ NetBehaviour mailing list [email protected] http://www.netbehaviour.org/mailman/listinfo/netbehaviour
