Hello, all -
I am enjoying this conversation.
Get a cup of tea, folks - this one is very long because instead of
responding to individual moments in this thread I am going to try
to combine into one message for your in-box.
My observation is that many individuals - which therefore includes
facilitators - are conflict-averse.
We see something we name as conflict, and we either want to avoid
it or solve it away.
We are not very good at sitting with it; breathing through it. I am
talking about those conflicts where your life is not immediately in
danger but instead where voices are raised and people are angry and
upset.
And for some of our cultures - what one culture sees as conflict
(raising of voices, dramatic gestures, angry faces) - another
culture sees as passion or simply as expression and communication.
So all those cultural filters are at work (us, our groups, our
personal / cultural style, our family-of-origin / relationship
history - oh so many things).
So to me - as a facilitator - my job is to know..
- what is the group's work (and what is my own internal work)
- to breathe (and to breathe as a way to hold space for others)
- to do thoughtful work (including the pre-work and analysis for /
selection of best-fit dialogue process)
- and to care for self and others (in specific ways like making
sure I am hydrated, rested and fed, and holding in my heart and
mind that their work is their own and that I think they are amazing).
Conflict without violence is to me - passion. Someone struggling to
name their own truth - which while not perhaps true for others, is
true for them, at that moment.
Harrison I disagree with you - I don't think conflict is something
that can often be resolved in a single meeting. By a single
intervention. Resolution is not what I seek by offering Open Space
as one of the possible tools for a certain meeting. The ability to
breathe through conflict - to witness rage without blows - to be
able to walk away (and walk back in) - to hear another person's
story (without trying to solve or change it) - these are all the
things that an Open Space (of two days, ideally) can offer.
Resolution? Take any human behavior - there are so many things that
inform and change and hold in place certain behaviors. The meeting
is just one part of someone's life, life history, life after the
meeting, real life 'on Monday', social norms, support for change
and so on. But what the meeting can do as the 'massage' so the
human can witness their own inner dialogue, feel witnessed, notice
and wonder, try to articulate, stumble through, step back and step
back in? Amazing.
I say two days ideally because in any process - including Open
Space - on Day 1 people are often naming their grief and loss. Day
2 does not magically change that but with the overnight, with
eating together, with feeling witnessed as they tell their story
again and again on Day 1 - seems like enough people shift a bit on
Day 2 to not lose their own story but walk forward into imagining a
slightly different story, together.
As you say, Harrison, '...given the time / space to do it."
It is what happens before the meeting and afterward that also
count. Which is why I think of Open Space or any other facilitated
process as one in a chain of steps of change and shift as part of a
greater whole.
I agree with Peggy - there does not necessarily have to be trust -
but: like any couple's relationship when they are having rocky
times - they have to walk in hoping / wanting / wondering that
there might - just might - be a light at the end of the path
somehow back to each other. Or at least (same as couple counseling)
that in exploring some things together their agreement to step
apart will be more thoughtful and hopefully more kind. As Peggy
said: 'willingness'.
And yes - one of Lisa's favorite topics: Pre-work. As I recall,
Harrison - and Tova, Avner and Carol if you are reading this you
can correct me - didn't it take something like a year of invitation
for one of those OSs bringing together Israelis and Palestinians? A
year. Finding allies. Making personal invites. Thinking how best to
reach each individual and build relationships. Lots of strategic,
creative and passionate work on that part, I am sure.
Kerry - for me - as the facilitator - I think there is an issue
about trusting the people who participate. I trust them fully. I
trust in their ability. Not their outcome - not their path - which
is theirs to inform. But that humans are incredible. I trust the
people and I trust the process.
I agree with the 'givens'. I think it is not useful to say 'this is
what you cannot talk about' / 'this is off the table'. Humans will
talk about whatever is the story within them that has the strongest
pain or yearning or discovery or passion - even if we want them to
talk about 'x'. However: An example of how a marvelous client of
mine said this - Catholic Diocese - this was the Bishop, and the OS
was for strategic (pastoral) planning for the next two years. "You
can talk about wanting more women clerics in the Church" (for
example) and that is fine - but that is not what we have money for
to fund for this next two years of our strategic plan. We are not
able to inform or control that in our greater Church at this time -
although rest assured we remain passionate about it as well. What
we _do_ have money to fund is in these three key strategic areas
(Lay people in the Church, Youth Ministry and Living Catholic
Social Teachings - the three areas identified by the parishioners
for the coming years' focus). So you can talk about other things
but we hope you will also spend some time in these retreats helping
us with the three upcoming strategic plan issue areas."
So he did not say something was a given or off the table. He
invited anything anyone wanted to talk about - but encouraged
people to think within the diverse stream of these key
identified-by-the-parishioners areas. Nice.
Usually: I think the client does not have to say anything. People
will talk about things and that's fine. Most will talk about what
is named as the OS task, and that is fine. Nothing derails
anything. And yes, Kerry and Artur - I do let the client know of
what might happen, what could happen, and are they ready for that.
For surprise directions. For those certain scary things being
raised as an issue. For that same person who always says that same
thing to say that same thing again. And if they are fine with that?
We move on to OS. If not? We move to another process.
Marie Ann - again I would try not to squish things into too small a
meeting time. People need and deserve the room to breathe, name,
explore, feel, make mistakes - the whole thing. And I like the
idea of also giving individuals witnesses - 'listening posts' - to
share their own story with one person and feel fully heard. There
is a whole ecology of things that can be done - together, and over
time - to help a community having challenges. And it did not take
one day to fall into this situation - so it may take many
nutritious moments over time to help some people breathe and shift
a bit. Though other people might be fully-served by staying right
there in that painful story.
I am also a strong believer in meeting a group where they are. Are
they asking for the help. How do they respond when you offer. Is it
the time for help or is it the time to fully witness exactly where
they are?
And how else do you show them to each other as individuals rather
than as positions. Do they get a chance to eat together. To do a
project together that is not about their conflict areas at all. Do
they need to.
Susanna - same question - should you bring them together to work on
the 'issue' - or can you mix and match and combine them in small
and large ways to experience each other in other ways as individuals.
Should you be the event sponsor? Well - are you being asked to?
You mentioned not being sure the women's organization 'would be
convinced of an OS process'. '..try to convince them of the
value...' That wording - is it your job to convince or sell OS?
Doesn't really work that way. Are you meeting the group where they
are? You might be - I don't know the answers to those questions -
maybe you do. And if it is decided to do an OS should you
facilitate? No matter how you feel you can hold space for all
different sides and viewpoints - how are you *seen* or *perceived
by* others - even if you do not feel that about yourself?
My colleague Zach Metz - who does OS in high conflict zones in the
world - also really appreciates Public Conversations Project for
some meetings - sometimes earlier in the chain of meetings than the
OS, which happens later in the chain. I am not skilled in that but
you might want to read about it. It is more facilitated but Zach
truly believes in participant-centered work so I am guessing and
have heard it is pretty amazing for what are perceived to be
polarizing issues.
Susanna - it is not necessary the wording of an invitation that
will get people to show up. It is the relationships and outreach
strategy - the invitation strategy - that gets people to show up.
Who is asking each kind of individual. Someone who they trust? Who
thinks like them? Who looks like them? How and where are they being
asked? In person? Over the phone? After temple or mosque service?
Over food? On a walk? What will work for each individual so that
they, too, will feel there is a place for them in that room? Sure,
the text and the messages are important also. But you see what is
most important - actions and relationship-building more than words
embody true invitation. In my experience, anyway.
Oh dear I did go on.
Thank you for your reading patience folks - who got this far - and
for you others - I trust you used the Law Of Delete...
Lisa
________
The Power of Pre-Work
- August 8-10, 2012 - San Francisco, USA
The Open Space Learning Workshop / el Taller de Aprendizaje de
Espacio Abierto
- October 9-11, 2012 - London, United Kingdom
(before the World Open Space on Open Space in London)
- December 12-14, 2012 - San Francisco, USA
________
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