Lisa - I do love it when you go on! J And, as you might suspect, I think you are working a tad too hard. Not in doing what you love... but in talking about it. A Short Take might be something like - "Make a small circle of chairs (with a few left over, piled on the side), sit down, and BE (in your case) LISA (and if you are somebody else, fill in the BLANK). Nothing to tell, nothing to do. Just BE there. Amazing who drops by. Just be prepared to be surprised.
And if it helps, remember... Whoever comes is/are the right people. Whatever happens is the only thing that could have. Whenever it starts is the right time. When it's over it's over. You could also say, Wherever it happens is the right place. But no need. You are already IN the RIGHT Place. ho Winter Address 7808 River Falls Drive Potomac, MD 20854 301-365-2093 Summer Address 189 Beaucaire Ave. Camden, ME 04843 207-763-3261 Websites www.openspaceworld.com www.ho-image.com OSLIST To subscribe, unsubscribe, change your options, view the archives of OSLIST Go to:http://lists.openspacetech.org/listinfo.cgi/oslist-openspacetech.org From: OSList [mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Lisa Heft - via OSList Sent: Monday, March 30, 2015 12:28 PM To: OSLIST Subject: Re: [OSList] Opening Space on the Heels of Starbucks' Race Together Campaign [I'll cross-post with you Lucas, because the two places I saw you post this have such different-from-each-other communities of practice. And this is a long response so I know that whoever does not feel inclined to read this has the freedom to use the Law of De-Leet...] Lucas - you are such an inspiration. Instead of saying 'why doesn't someone...' / 'why is the world.' / 'why isn't anybody.' / 'why don't people.' . you just step out into it. And in doing so, you change the world, person by person. Not 'how can we make impact in the highest numbers' but true, real, immediate, zero-resources (except your time, heart and passion)... impact. I want to be focus on the fact that you asked us for something, and I want to make sure I am hearing you. You ask for thoughts and suggestions for improvement. You ask about creating "a simple, repeatable process for opening 'pop-up civic space' so others might do the same." My first answer is to do what my colleague Ellen shared with me. Those of you who know me know that this is what I myself am like, as well. While taking her commute to work on public transportation, she one day decided to put down her book, take off her earphones. And she turned to the stranger - a man - next to her and started talking. "How about this weather we are having?"... at first. And during this ride they found themselves talking about power dynamics at work, gender dynamics, race dynamics, cultural differences-assumptions-projections, interpersonal communication. all in one ride. And it was so moving to both of them as they shared towards the end of their conversation how this level of real listening to another person is rare and special. So that is what you can do. Simple, repeatable, zero resources, change the world. It does not work every time. That is what 'let go attachment to outcome' is about. You do it because it is the right thing to do. Because it changes you, too. Because with practice, it feels ore natural. Because it is the way you want the world to be. Ellen mentions that skills are also needed for this sort of interchange. Experience, understanding and respect enough to not say "how about that race stuff everyone's talking about?" or asking someone to speak for an entire tribe (youth, women, elder, whatever) instead of speaking just for themselves. Or steering a conversation to topics *you* want to talk about (race, voting, whatever). Which is not listening, at all. Is not about the other person at all. Is not being fully present. I would hope instead you practice active listening skills and curiosity but not "let's pull this all out into the open" curiosity because *you* are ready to do so. Again - that would be all about you. Meet each individual exactly where they are. And be amazed. And learn. And wonder. My other answer is as I reflect upon something I have done which is similar in nature to your putting chairs out to see who comes to join the conversation. One of my favorite places to facilitate is in prisons. In some settings the process you select is affected by the physical setting you are in - just like for any facilitation job. So I have done various kinds of facilitative work in prisons but for this example I am thinking about a day-long event such as a health fair - which is often held on the prison yard. Various non-profits / NGOs have tables, pamphlets, volunteers to tell you about services. And in the interest of health and wellness, my offering is a hosted conversation space. In a maximum security prison, you cannot do anything that - when seen from a guard tower - looks like chaos. Chaos may mean lack of safety. Assault. So things like 'everyone freely moves about in little self-organizing groups' does not look structured. And I also have to select a process where people can come in or out at any time - no beginning, no explaining, no set-up. Therefore I set up a circle of about 20 chairs in some highly visible location in the middle of the prison yard - like right in the center of the yard. I put a sign on the back of one out of every 5 chairs (facing out - so staff / guards / inmates see a sign if they look at the circle of chairs). It says "Ask Lisa". That makes prison staff feel that I am some sort of expert person 'in charge' of what looks like a very specific circle. So that takes care of opening the space to let whatever happens happens, in a setting that has more rules and needs for 'control.' And I sit there for eight hours, welcoming whoever wishes to join as the conversation flows. People come in and out and sit for awhile in the circle to listen or to talk, for as long as they want, or as long as their free time is scheduled. The conversation shifts and turns and goes where it needs to go. People usually start by asking me something / looking to me for something, but all I do is to reflect back to them. How does that make you feel. What does that mean to you. That must really be big for you. What do others think. When some people first arrive they test me, saying things they think will offend me. Turns out that the others are there so say 'we're talking here - if you want to stay, respect it'. And actually you can say anything to me in that setting and I will not be offended. So that first testing tactic does not work and they get to move on to sharing and hearing thoughts about things. It can start as being about health (let's say it's a health fair). However specifically when doing this in prison, in my experience, it always turns to experiences and feelings of grief and loss. Missing a loved one's funeral, missing being a father to their child, knowing what they could contribute, wishing they could vote for someone they feel would help the country, mourning the loss or discovery of the man or woman they once were, could have been, realizing now the potential they have, developing themselves, reflecting on things. My tips and tools for that? Same as any facilitation. Rest well, eat first. Hydrate. Set up a space. Pre-think what materials you may need and bring them along. Then for this kind of facilitation it is very similar to peer-to-peer listening in any setting. Just breathe. Receive. Witness. Appreciate. Don't try to do therapy, don't try to bring someone to a way of thinking, don't try to delve into something that interests me or that I wish they would talk or think about. Because what? Same as above. it's not about me. It's about them. That's the point. These are the reflections that to me I would bring into a setting such as yours - chairs on the plaza. Holding space. Being responsible for what you are inviting. Not trying to drive a conversation to fill a need or yearning that I myself may have. Breathing. ___ To me, this is radical listening. Radical peacemaking. True dialogue. Which is as much about listening as it is speaking. Which is not about changing someone at all, but instead, about honoring each person's truth as true for them. Staying curious. Being amazed. My observation is that with all this social media and online tools stuff, people more and more are able to find, learn about and stay in what is already of interest to them. Issues and people they are already comfortable with. The known. Rather than being exposed to surprises. To other ways of being. Other ways of seeing. Of making a living. Of navigating. Of expressing. Of being complex and full humans. So how do you make a replicable, repeatable process? You take off your ear plugs, put down your book, and turn to the other person to talk about the weather. You listen, without attachment to outcome. You hold space. You be responsible for your own internal *stuff* and you own it, you don't project it onto someone else. You don't be "helpy". You just . be. And if you are comfortable doing so, you walk out into the world and be more of that. In everything you do, everywhere you go. And the world changes. Not in big how-many-people-what-do-we-measure ways. But in meaningful, memorable ways, person by person. If you've read this far, thanks for listening to my going on a bit about something I am really passionate about: being peace. Lisa Lisa Heft Consultant, Facilitator, Educator Opening Space On Mar 26, 2015, at 7:29 AM, Lucas Cioffi via OSList <[email protected]> wrote: I happen to live in Charlottesville, Virginia where a recent violent arrest of a student and race-related protests have gotten some national media attention. Over the past two days I tried an experiment in creating pop-up civic space for dialogue. This is designed as an alternative to how Starbucks conducted its Race Together initiative last week which has had mixed reviews. I wrote up my thoughts below and attached some photos so you can get a feel for the experience. My goals were to "bring dialogue to people" and to create a simple, repeatable process that others might improve or replicate, even without resources. This is not to detract from formal and well-resourced dialogue programs. I believe there is also a vital need for public dialogue in the margins like this when no resources are available. I'm wondering what your thoughts and suggestions are for improvement. -- If I try something in a Starbucks over the next few days, it will be very different-- it would be just a sign-- a silent invitation-- and people can choose to sit down and join the conversation if they'd like. What do you think? Where do we go from here? Well, if I/you/we can create a simple, repeatable process for opening "pop-up civic space" like this, then others might do the same, and we might all surprise ourselves with what is possible. There is certainly a need for more productive dialogue in our country.
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