I have just pasted this in here for your interest - THESE are Australian mainstream mums -it is very scary -I cant believe how anyone can be so disconnected from their babies -or advocate such horror!
This is why I am looking for gentle voices to invclude in my crying book - I dont see any point in doing 'another one the same as the others' with a 'one size fits all 'approach we and our babies are individuals so there really isnt one 'way' but there is a lot of pressure happening out there.
Pinky
Hi Pinky......
just reading these women's acedotes just demonstrates to me the lack of education these women have received with regards to BF......and what demand BF is all about. I too wonder what/who causes women to become so fixated on babies sleeping through the night as newborns etc....It seems from these stories to be totally consuming for these women.....Education again would seem to be the key, and some work on affirming these women in their OWN abilities to be mothers to their babies - rather than seeking approval/advice from such crappy sources as these 'quick fix' books. Whilst these sleep settling techniques/regimes may seemingly work in the short term......what of their effects on these children in the long term?????? Noone so far has been able to tell me that !!!!
An anecdote of my own - a friend who was once a 'controlled modified comforting' advocate........A personal friend has her first babe well into her thirties - highly educated woman, very powerful and assertive in many facets of her life. Life style very structured/busy and remarked many a time throughout her pregnancy that ....."the baby will have to just fit in with MY life"...........
Surprise, surprise !!! This woman discovers that babies are little individuals with their own agendas and she was not 'coping' well with her lived experience of motherhood. Sleep deprived....exhausted and hating BF cos it was soooooo "time consuming"......she trotted off at 9 weeks with babe to a sleep clinic for two weeks.... to get some rest and assistance in helping her to settle the babe and 'GET HIM TO SLEEP THRU' !!!!!!!!!!!!!
True to form she returned home "a new women" and this place "was a god send" and she set about recruiting every women she knew to try this 'modified control comforting' technique she had been taught. On visiting one afternoon I had to make excuses to leave as I was sooo over listening about how wonderful controlled crying was and having to sit and try to speak over a screaming/distressed baby who had no interest at all in being "put down" as per the regime.....and left to scream all alone, no comfort at all; no mother love, no mother breast smell, no breast milk - the "milk bar's closed pal" no comforting/soothing touch, no soothing words. This babe was left as per instructions: Do not speak to him, do not make eye contact with him - roll him over AWAY from you, tuck him in securely and walk away......ONLY revisit after 5 minutes... and gradually let the time get longer and longer........
Sure this worked for a while - this baby learnt that his mother would dessert him and no point in crying cos she's not coming back. So 'cured'... this baby slept then thru the night from about 3.5 months old and BF soon diminished too not long after this.
So what's my point in all this rambling.......for this woman this method was a "quick fix" that got her through that period of her life..... only to manifest again when this child turned two. He no longer then slept through the night, constantly waking (4-5 times a night) and screaming for his mother.......He is now eight (still wakes 2-3 times a night) and at school and has "severe separation issues" with his mother....very insecure little boy who walks the house searching for her when ever she's out of his sight. This woman NOW detests 'control crying/modifed control comforting' or what ever else we label it......as she believes this to "have caused" her son's distrust of her... his insecurities and devastating separation issues. I now can only watch as she peels him off her leg and says "Mummy's only going to the toilet and won't be a minute".... and ends up with him standing in the toilet with her !!!!!!
Yours in birth,
Tina Pettigrew
Birthworks
Independent CBE and aspiring B.Mid Midwife.
Convenor, Aust B. Mid Student Collective.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BMidStudentCollective
[EMAIL PROTECTED]
" As we trust the flowers to open to new life
- So we can trust birth"
Harriette Hartigan.
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