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Rhonda it does sound like a really difficult/desperate situation. However,
usually birth suite is not over abundant with midwives and with your friend in
rapid labour doesn't sound like they could have become involved in child care
too. I always thoroughly discuss the many scenarios that parents must consider
happening when a child is included in the birth plan including being minded by
people not at the birth itself.
My own 2 older daughters were at the birth of their sister in an
alternative birthing center in Chicago almost 22years ago now!! Kristin was 4and
1/2 and Elyse was 3 at the time. Of course I have the photos of them on the
bed beside me: a double bed with a bean bag, Kristin saying push mummy push,
three pushes and she was crying lustily in my arms. Elyse was a bit stunned by
it all. My father was their support person, my mother and my husband(their
father) mine. They were watching Sesame Street in the family room next door
when Dad was told to bring them in (they had been in and out during the couple
of hours of labour), they hopped up on the bed and Dad stood back in awe and
Rachael made her entrance to the world. Kristin is now studying to be a nurse
midwife in the USA and Elyse is completing her RN (going back for the graduation
next week) and Rachael is studying to be a vet. Kristin remembers the birth
vividly (re-enacted it many, many times in preschool as did many of her
classmates at the time, Chicago, I guess, was a little hot bed of alternative
parenting at the time) and has used it extensively on her letters of application
to midwifery schools. Wouldn't have done it any other way.Actually we would have
been in big financial doo doo if there had been even a tiny complication (like a
suture or 2), I didn't think about that until afterwards. Oh this birth and
labor happened from 8am when my mum (a midwife) examined me at home (she had
brought cord clamps, gloves etc.. in case of a blizzard and she had to be my
midwife) to make sure I was in active labour (I guess I wasn't making enough
noise), gave the go ahead to proceed to the birth center (lovely sunny but cold
day in January, 1981 ~ 2degrees celsius), it was 9am when we got there and
settled in, Rach appeared at 12.10 just after Electric company, I think. Do note
the TV was NOT in my room, though it was a suite and we were all wandering
around.
much love
marilyn----- Original Message -----
Sent: Tuesday, November 26, 2002 6:34
AM
Subject: RE: [ozmidwifery] Re: [Children
Present at Births)
|
Sorry I was only quoting what she had said - 'nurses or nursing
staff did not help her with the tot.
And gee - what was she meant to do? Any ideas! Living
about 3 hours drive away from her parents who were driving down to
help she had 3 close back up child minders and her nighbour had
offered - it was her second child of the 4 so she only had one 2 yr old
and all 3 people were unreachable and the neighbour was out. I
guess she could have left him in the car - perhaps a roasted dead 2 yr
old would be less trouble for the staff.
I feel that it would be the midwives responsibility to help the
family in this sort of case which would involve some assistance
with the toddler regardless if they had planned to have him there or
not.
-------Original
Message-------
Date: Tuesday,
November 26, 2002 23:47:58
Subject: RE:
[ozmidwifery] Re: [Children Present at Births)
Please midwives not nurses, nursing
staff. THE MIDWIFE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE SAFETY AND WELLBEING OF
MOTHER AND BABY. If anything goes wrong she is responsible, and
ends up in court, and has to live with it. Distractions such
as toddlers running around can affect everyone present. I once cared for
a family where the 3 year old was busy under the bed. I was scared
of him hurting himself and or dismantling the bed [I have one
myself that could dismantle anything with his busy little fingers]. I
agree, a well prepared, lovingly supervised tot is a delight, and I too
love the older children to be involved. The question of the lights
wouldn't have bothered me, I prefer them off. Who was minding the
other kids?
Maureen.
|
Dear robin,
I can understand this attitude but when the parents have
made every effort to get help and have been unable to contact
anyone (just bad timing rather than bad management) you would
expect some understanding and support from the nursing staff -
not like she could just put off her labour until the babysitter
came home. She was made to feel that she was not meant to
have him there etc as she had not planned it she was also
feeling that he was not meant to be there which made her
uncomfortable.
Also it does not take much effort to help especially with
this woman who basically popped out all of her four boys without
any assistance or complications. I don't know why she went
to the hospital - personally.
4 hours being her longest
labour. No tears, no other complications at all except an
unattended 2yr old who found the light switch.
I did say to her if that was her only complaint out of 4
hospital births then she had "nothing" to complain about!
LOL
Rhonda.
If that was the worst thing to happen to all women we would
all be laughing!
-------Original Message-------
Date: Monday,
November 25, 2002 19:35:40
Subject: Re:
[ozmidwifery] Re: [Children Present at Births)
Rhonda,
with all due respect for your friend, unattended children
at a hospital birth can very stressful for the staff. A lot of
staff will take the attitude that they're not required to look
after the child and wont make an effort. A lot of staff
will get very anxious that such a little one can cause discord
in the delivery room. It's always a problem when parents bring
children in when there's no special support person for child
exclusively. It's not that they're not wanted, far from it, it
just alters the flow of attention off the mother, and that's
always difficult when a midwife is trying to care for the
mother's needs first.
Having said that, I LOVE having kids in, it adds an extra
special dimension to the labour, and I particularly love
having older children with whom you can talk and discuss things
with. The look on their faces is simply fabulous as they take in
an adult version of real life.
Robin
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Monday, November
25, 2002 5:46 PM
Subject: RE:
[ozmidwifery] Re: [Children Present at Births)
|
This reminded me of a woman I know who had not
intended her 2yr old son to be at the birth of her
second child.
When she went into labour she could not get hold of
her back up child care.
So they went to the hospital and hubby had the 2yr
old - trying to call for someone to help.
To cut it short - a fast labour 21/2 hrs with 2 yr
old running about delivery room - turning the lights off
and on while baby was born.
She was shocked that the nurses didn't even assist
with loking after him.
This was about 11 yrs ago but she still
laughs about yeling at her son to "turn the light back
on" between pushing.
He was totally unprepared and a little too
young to be unattended while Dad helped her.
Rhonda
-------Original
Message-------
Date:
Monday, November 25, 2002 14:39:46
Subject: RE: [ozmidwifery] Re: [Children
Present at Births)
We planned on having out two sons
present at the birth at home of number
three, boys
were 3 1/2years and just under two. I showed them the
video of
number two being born, water birh at home,
we watched it lots and also some
other videos our
midwife lent us. I told them about the noise I might
make
and about how not to talk when I was
concentrating on the baby coming out.
Likened it to
having to concentrate when driving the car and looking
for a
carpark, can't talk much then either. I told
them it might hurt me, but it
was a special hurt just
for helping babies to come out. I told them it had
to
come out between my legs, a special whole that only
mummies have, boys
don't have one. Daddy would be
rubbing my back and helping me and the
baby.
Importantly you need to arrange a person/s for
the children, someone they
trust and they need to
support your philosophies of childbirth, you
don't
want their fear coming into your birth. My
husband wasn't as keen as I was,
but he agreed to
take it as it came. I also told them that I might want
to
be on my own and they may have to go for a walk or
to grandma's. I
acknowledged that this could upset
them and hence affect my labour, but
figured I would
allow half an hour extra in labour for this to be
worked
through(not scientifically based).Birth can
take a while so children will
probably want other
things to do. You have to accept that may not even
like
to be there at the time, nothing is set in
concrete.
It helps if they are involved with the
pregnancy, attending appointments if
in hospital or
helping the midwife if at home. Kids just love the tools
of a
midwife, fundal measurements might be a bit out
though if they help.
Some good books are "Having a
Baby" by Jenni Overend and also the writer of
"Maisie
Mouse" series has one about introducing a new sibling
etc, (sorry
don't know the name).
Lots of talking,
my youngest wasn't that interested, but the older boy
new
all about the placenta and unbilical cord, he
loved the blood and mess.
After all my education,
baby decided to enter the world in the middle of
the
night and the boys slept right through it all. We
woke the eldest up a
couple of hours later to help
cut the cord. Little one didn't wake til usual
time.
It was a fast and demanding labour so it was appropriate
that the boys
weren't there, I believe I wouldn't
have coped as well, things happen for a
reason.
My
oldest, now 4 1/4 years thinks I should have another
baby so as our
midwife can visit us again and so as
he can be awake to see the birth this
time. I love
this, but dad's not to keen. He offered to pay the
midwife just
to visit, no baby.
So I don't
think it matters how old other children are, just
prepare them as
best you can for the birth and enjoy
the time.
Cheers
Megan.
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