My dear friend, I realize the grieving process takes time and you have so much to be dissapointed about. But I was there and I know that you did all the right things.  You made choices based on the facts and also based on the joint decision making made by you and your husband.  You did the best you could for where you were at and you need to stop beating up on yourself.  You also need to give yourself time to grieve and grow  before you make any decisions about the future. There is plenty of time.
If you need to talk please ring me at home anytime!
 
Blessings
Dierdre

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