[ozmidwifery] Birth trauma anniversary

[*G and S*]

Hi guys,             Was wondering if I could get some advice from others who have had a traumatic birth experience.    Now that December is almost upon us I've started to feel a slight sense of dread as my babe's first birthday approaches.  I had PND with my first babe (10 years ago) and I am trying my hardest to prevent that from happening again.   I know it is my babe's birthday and that it should be a time of happiness but there was so much that went wrong that day and we lost so much... I can't help but feel saddness. How do I stop feeling negative about this upcoming milestone?    I was wondering if there is anything that others have done to recognise such an anniversary without loosing the joy that befits a first birthday?    And, if you have personally delt with birth trauma did you have flashbacks in your quieter moments? For the first few months after my babe's birth I  would sometimes have flash backs to theatre and would see the image of a scalpel running across a little back.  It happened once while I was driving and was actually quite frightening.   Those 'flashbacks' have stopped for some time now and I'm hoping that they won't start again. If you had flash backs did they re-surface around the time of the first birthday? I guess it would be good to have some forewarning.   I know this all sounds a little 'off the wall' but I need to ask these questions if I'm to keep strong and sane. ( well, at least as sane as a mother with five kids can be! lol )   I'm hoping that someone will have answers, TIA,  Sonia W.