Re: [ozmidwifery] Birth & Sexual Assault

[Heartlogic]

Kelly, good on you for being totally 'with her' through her journey. The 
body sensations for women who have sexual abuse backgrounds are usually too 
challenging to work through at the time of birth unless there has been a 
huge, and I mean huge, conscious and deliberate working through all aspects 
of the possible triggering of body memories/flashbacks/associations and 
birth/breastfeeding.  The ability to disassociate, like the woman you have 
been working with, is such a necessary survival mechanism for women who 
aren't able to accommodate the sensations in that moment.

Having you, 'being with' her, in every sense of that concept, is part of the 
healing journey.

It is wonderful that she has you to work through it with her; to explore 
each step of the process, being a mirror, asking the right 
questions/mentoring in a loving way, at her pace, to help her to make sense 
of her experiences and integrate the whole thing in a healthy and empowering 
way into her sense of self.

Unfortunately, 'the system' doesn't realise the impact 'the policies and 
practices' have on women, especially women with backgrounds of abuse, and 
so, unwittingly, does things which compound the perceptions and feelings 
associated with being abused, that is of being, for example, out of control, 
helpless, "done to" etc which most often, leads to the women being 
overwhelmed with emotional tsunamis which leads to physical shutdown.  The 
physical shut down can then lead to devastation  (eg . multiple VE's; 
forceps; epidurals that don't work; episiotomies, vaginal tears; third and 
fourth degree tears and of course, caesarians with the baby being taken 
away, which then interrups the attachment process). And so the abuse cycle 
is perpetuated and reinforced.

There is the whole body fluid thing as well, not only the incredible 
discomfort associated with liquor and mucous and blood from the vagina, also 
the breast stimulation/breastfeeding can trigger all sorts of wildly 
repulsive and distressing feelings for the woman.

These women have so much to deal with. Justine is a wonderful exemplar of 
how 1-2-1 care can make such a difference. We have to help women thrive, not 
merely survive and we as midwives, doulas and loving interested persons have 
to do all in our power to 'subvert the assembly line' (thanks DenisWalsh) 
way of providing maternity care and agitate and create 1-2-1 care across the 
country. When the mothers are cared for, babies do well.  It is time to move 
from fetal surveillance, to loving and supporting the mother through her 
journey.  And it has to start early, even before conception ideally.  And 
even if not before conception, then as early in pregnancy as possible. 
Women need several visits early in pregnancy (weekly would be good) to work 
through the issues of their history, experiences, relationships, feelings 
about pregnancy, nutrition, exercise etc.  And NOT in the cattleyard!   In 
relaxed, friendly, homely environments that enable genuine relationships and 
trust to develop.

Justine quotes the statistics which say that 1-4 women have histories of SA. 
Some researchers suggest it is even higher than that. Sigh.  We all have a 
lot of work to do to change this reality.

Good on  you Kelly for being there.  Sleep well.

hugs, Carolyn




----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Kelly @ BellyBelly" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
To: <ozmidwifery@acegraphics.com.au>
Sent: Tuesday, May 02, 2006 12:51 AM
Subject: RE: [ozmidwifery] Birth & Sexual Assault


Just letting everyone know the SA birth happened early (SROM) and labour
started quite well, mum seemed great. BUT... it quickly became very full 
on
and I couldn't believe it was exactly what I had read about.

Huge learning curve and I am kicking myself for not realizing sooner that 
it
was going downhill in a textbook SA style. She was transitional at 1-2cms
plus a posterior bub, was throwing up, shakes, wanting out, good contrax 
etc
but that cervix wasn't moving fast enough. After lots of hard work she got
to 9cms but ended up with a Caesar, it had been two days, we'd all had no
sleep and she and bubs were exhausted and going downhill. She was getting 
a
fever, blood in urine, I think traces of proteins / keytones, just
everything you can imagine apart from fetal distress was thrown out. She
just didn't like the feeling of pressure (baby) and wanted to block it all
out. Epi didn't help. VE's were a nightmare and of course given it was 
going
the way it was they wanted to do several. During the caesar I was allowed 
to
come in with her (first one I actually had seen, I found it quite 
disturbing
but of course didn't say so!) and she found it extremely difficult as she
had surgery to correct damage from rape. I could tell that she was having
major issues and tried to get her visualising and using lots of 
reassurance
but she wasn't there with me... but as soon as bubs was born and she was 
out
of there she was completely fine.

We have lots of debriefing to do I think, so will be interesting... so 
much
happened and we all did so much hard work, but it just wasn't meant to be.
Came home to two sick kids (hubby makes 3) and didn't get much sleep while
hubby slept, so I am still a bit of a wreck and catching up on things. I
should be sleeping now, but I am so behind with BB and T4T that people are
getting irate with me. *sigh* So thanks all for your support, I can't wait
til my copy of 'When Survivors Give Birth' arrive and hopefully next time 
I
can be a bit more prepared and experienced. It was the longest, most 
tiring
and difficult birth I have been to yet. But special at the same time.

Best Regards,

Kelly Zantey
Creator, BellyBelly.com.au
Gentle Solutions From Conception to Parenthood
BellyBelly Birth Support - http://www.bellybelly.com.au/birth-support


-----Original Message-----
From: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Kelly @
BellyBelly
Sent: Friday, 14 April 2006 2:05 PM
To: ozmidwifery@acegraphics.com.au
Subject: RE: [ozmidwifery] Birth & Sexual Assault

Thanks for your emails everyone! I was going to email some of you 
personally
but been a bit flat out and meeting lots of women this week wanting 
support
which is great. Some feedback on this woman though...

I have a feeling the SA is going to play up in the birth in some way. When 
I
arrived to greet her, she quickly held out her had to shake, I don't know 
if
she didn't know how to greet me or was worried about other contact (i.e.
kiss/hug) but also I felt while she was very happy for me to be there, she
kept her distance physically. Also I think I might have mentioned this but
she said she attended a pregnancy group (Rhea's) and only went to one as 
she
felt too 'exposed'. She has not attended pre-natal classes and wants our
next visit to be about what the birth will be like - I am a little worried
about this as I can of course tell her about normal birth but I am not a
birth educator and am not completely sure which direction to be heading
down, especially given her background. She didn't bring up the SA until I
did towards the end, and said that she feels her mother's death 6 years 
ago
is more the issue and feels very raw. So both of these things could be
something we'll need to work on, I just don't know how to approach it... 
any
tips appreciated!!! Thanks!

Best Regards,

Kelly Zantey
Creator, BellyBelly.com.au
Gentle Solutions From Conception to Parenthood
BellyBelly Birth Support - http://www.bellybelly.com.au/birth-support


-----Original Message-----
From: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Janet Fraser
Sent: Thursday, 13 April 2006 11:32 AM
To: ozmidwifery@acegraphics.com.au
Subject: Re: [ozmidwifery] Birth & Sexual Assault

Yes yes yes! To what Abby said! My first experience of rape was from an
obstetrician and I'm so not alone with that.
J
----- Original Message ----- 
From: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
To: <ozmidwifery@acegraphics.com.au>
Sent: Wednesday, April 12, 2006 12:18 AM
Subject: Re: [ozmidwifery] Birth & Sexual Assault


Hi Kelly,

You can contact Natalie Dash [EMAIL PROTECTED]

Nat has supported quite a few women with an abusive history.

I'm not sure if anyone has mentioned this, but it is important to
recognise that some women experience sexual abuse for the first time while
birthing. ie. an ob or midwife demands to do a VE while the woman is
adimantly opposed or an episiotomy is performed while a woman and her
partner are saying "NO!" or, as in with my first birth, being held down by 
a
midwife and ob while he shoved his hand inside me and made rude remarks 
how
I was not cooperating!

More and more sexual assault is happening in birthing units and it needs 
t
be addressed. 'NO MEANS NO' no matter what your proffession. Just because
it's in a hospital or because it's an OB, doesn't mean it's okay.

I would like to read more about this but am heading away for a week. I'll
look forward to catching up with others advice when I get back.
Love Abby



> Kelly @ BellyBelly <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
>
> Just wondering if anyone has any tips on working with women who have
> been
> involved with sexual assault? Loaded birth - she also lost her mother
> recently - so trying to get lots of tips and suggestions. she's feeling
> fearful of interventions and is due soon. The hospital recommended she
> get
> extra support so she contacted me.
>
> Best Regards,
>
> Kelly Zantey
> Creator,  <http://www.bellybelly.com.au/> BellyBelly.com.au
> Gentle Solutions From Conception to Parenthood
>  <http://www.bellybelly.com.au/birth-support>
> <http://www.bellybelly.com.au/birth-support> BellyBelly Birth Support -
> http://www.bellybelly.com.au/birth-support
>
>
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