Dear Philipp, Thank you for writing your note. Let me tell you how I got to it. Last weekend, I watched a movie on HBO called "Something The Lord Made" which was the story about 2 men from Johns Hopkins Hospital and their work as pediatric heart surgeons. In 1967, I had open heart surgery at Johns Hopkins, by one of the doctors protoges. After the movie, a ton of emotions welled through me, feeling that they had made a movie about someone I knew, almost as though the movie was about me, and I went to my computer to look for more. I found out that my doctor was still living, and then looked at my other ailment which made me "special". By 5 years old, Johns Hopkins Hospital had also diagnosed me with hypopituitarism. I found this site by browsing. And I found your note. I understand the pain, both physical and emotional. I remember the human growth hormone shots that scarred my legs and the trips to JHH every 4 months to get more "experimental" HGH. Up until I was about 17-18. I graduated high school at about 5' 5", which is about where I am today. So, you weren't the first! (I'm not sure if that's good news or bad news, but I am finally pleased to meet someone else who was born with this disease!) I have kindergarten pictures of me where I was about 1/2 the height of others in my school. My whole childhood I was ridiculed, for being short and different from all the other boys. As a middle / high schooler, I remember not showering in school for deathly fear of being seen naked, for as the other boys matured, I didn't. And I was small to begin with. Later on, I wanted to shave. I wanted to grow a moustache. And I wanted to have a deep voice, because I wanted to get into broadcasting. I wanted women to think I was sexy. I wanted to play sports, but I just didn't have the size to do it. This disease has shaped everything I have done in my life for as long as I can remember. But Philipp, it does get better. Take it from a guy who's been there.... See, this August will be my 40th birthday, and I have learned a few things about life: There was a comedianne named Gilda Radner ( you may know her from Saturday Night Live reruns) who wrote a book about her struggle with cancer. I think it was called, "It's Always Something". And that's what I have learned. As I look around me, I see all kinds of people who deal with all kinds of situational problems and medical issues. Some people deal with cancer or alcoholism. Some deal with racism and homelessness. My problems are not the same as yours, and yours are not the same as others you know. But we all experience fear and pain. And hopefully we all experience love. I didn't have my first girlfriend until I was 19. No one was interested. I got laughed at. But I was going to college and she was in high school and everything seemed to work for the 3 years we were together. Testo shots helped make me "normal" and I found out that NOT taking them angered her, not that I had to take them to start with. (That was MY issue, no one elses!!) I was in the enviable place of not needing condoms, because I could not have children, but if I did want them, there was treatment (What FREEDOM!!-- of course this was before AIDS). And I looked so YOUNG.... And during my 20's, I found out who I was. I explored all the things that made me happy, like an incredible love for music. I met a wonderful woman when I was 28 and I was married 4 years later. I became a non-biological father (some people call me a step-father) to two kids who are now a little younger than you. I love these guys like they were my own. They hate me like I was their own ;-). They rock out with me, we play guitar (they are teaching ME!) and I have a great relationship with a wonderful woman. I work with something I love: computers. And I still rock on--- My life is not perfect. I am a diabetic and there is a long history of early deaths due to strokes on my father's (deceased at 46 many, many years ago) side. My mother died at 57. I have a chronic lung condition that makes breathing difficult and has not been properly diagnosed. And I am overweight and being treated for high blood pressure. But something happened on my way here: I wasn't the only one who grew up. The rest of the world did too! And they began to look at me not for the size of my stature, or the size of my moustache or even the size of my genitalia. They began to look at me for the size of my heart. And no one can beat me there! NO ONE. You asked for advice-- here is mine: Work at being healthy. Stay informed, stay focussed. AND NEVER GIVE UP! In the meantime, do what you want with your life! John Lennon once wrote in a song "Life is what happens while your busy making other plans." It's probably my favorite quote I've ever heard. Go to school, learn something that will change the world-- or at least your little portion of it. And live.... love..... and Rock on, Scott..... PS...feel free to contact me directly. | 