Hi Nevik, I am going to speak for myself here and I hope a lot of others feel the same. I am not offended by your opinion. I think we all have reasons sometimes to feel as if life is beating us up. I am a christian and believe that by the grace of God I am here today. I think what all of us are trying to say here is that BAD things do happen to GOOD people. God does not promise us bad things won't happen to us or those we love, he only promises he will be there when they do. Pain, sickness, accidents, acts of nature, are all part of this world. God promises no pain, sickness,accidents or bad things in Heaven not here on earth. In acknowledging that is where you will find your peace of mind. I think the best way I have heard this put is God is our Father our parent. As a parent you can be walking down the street with your child and they can get hit by a car or fall and be hurt or someone could, in some places, God forbid, shot them or any number of things. You can be right there and not be able to stop any harm from coming to them and we know bad things can happen when we aren't there. You know you want to protect them and if they are in pain you want to stop it. God feels exactly the same way. When we get hurt he can't stop us from being hurt or he can't stop our pain, he is there to comfort us as we are there to comfort our children in the best way we can. I assure you that I have felt this comfort first hand. Not just once in my life but many times. I have lived with my illness of Cushing's for 18 years undiagnosed. Yes it was tough, so was losing 3 babies, having my house I rented out turned into a Meth Lab and losing over $ 70,000 in fixing it up and selling it. Losing my dad when I was 13 growing up in different families because my mom had a mental illness. Having to quit school as a straight A student when I was 16 because I was living in a laundry room with no one to take care of me. So I quit school, got my GED and moved on, married a great guy who I am still with and love dearly. All the times I have been to ill to hold down a job to help out my family and felt I have been a burden. How do I see God in this illness and bad things that have happened to me. Number one I am so happy to be here with my 4 great kids and hubby. I am thankful for the days when I was very sick and the not so sick ones. I am thankful for every day. The days I could walk and do things and the days my kids have had to visit me in bed. I thank God my family are all currently healthy, I thank God that at least we did not move back into our home that was ruined and no know what had happened there and had someone get sick from living in that house I am thankful that we could sell it and move on to a much smaller house but we still had our family and our lives. I am thankful that finally after 18 years they found my tumor and diagnosed me so I could try and get healthy. If I were not thankful for all of those days good or bad I would be saying my life and the people in it are not worth living for. Don't get me wrong I have not spent my whole life every moment feeling sure that God was there. There have been times when God literally had to jump in front of me to get me to notice he was there caring about me. When I found out this January that I would need to have surgery for my Tumor that I thought I was just going to have to take Meds for, I was pretty devistated. I spent quite a while feeling sorry for myself and even more not noticing all the people who cared about me. I found this chat and another and all of the sudden people I did not even know were sending me words of encouragement, advice and words of wisdom. I found this overwhelming as Minnie said I could not believe people I did not even know cared about me and what was happening in my life. I started reading this book called The purpose driven life and I realized a lot of things I needed to do to make changes in my life. I only made it to Chapter 18 before my surgery but it made a huge difference in my attitude but I still was not convinced that my surgery would be a good thing, that I might have a cure or a partial one. I was more convinced that I might not make it through my surgery going under is probably one of my greatest fears or was. I went for my surgery pre-op on March 11th and they said surgery would be 3:00 pm I was so very much dreading a late surgery as I knew by that time I was going to be a complete basket case. I had prayed everyday that somehow God would make my surgery earlier even though I had been told we Cushing's patients never get first case always late afternoon. I was pretty upset when they told me 3:00 pm surgery I was so hoping God was going to fix this and when they said 3:00 I was upset. I was trying very hard to hold on to my hope and stay up beat. A bunch of people from my chat showed up on Sunday in Portland Oregon I had never met these people before but Krystine, Ken, Margot, Wendy and Wendy's friend Eileen who is an honorary Cushie by kinship all showed up they brought flowers, noise makers and a lot of love, advice, kindness and wisdom. They told me their stories all positive attitudes they came to the hospital and brought me more of the same everyday someone was there I received phone calls from people in other states Kristy J in texas, Sharon K in texas. Other of my friends from home. The lord was trying to show me I was going to be fine all these great people caring about and for me. But I was still unconvinced and somehow God found it within his grace to bless me just once more he jumped right out in front of me cause I was still doubting and he showed me I was going to be just fine. My surgery was set for 3:00 pm if all went well I would be in my room by 8:00 or 9:00 pm on Monday March 14th just what I did not want a late surgery. Well we went to the Coast on Saturday and the Zoo on Sunday and I played hard walked to much and enjoyed every single second of my time with my hubby and kids it crossed my mind more than once that this could be the last time I might spend with them. On Monday morning 6:23 am my cell phone rang thinking it was the alarm I reached over and turned it off. I then decided to see why it was ringing and someone had called I was first annoyed because once a Cushie wakes it is hard to go back to sleep and I knew I had many hours of no food, water and a lot of anticpation. I looked at the number and it was a Portland number so I hit call back and said someone from this number just called me. The person on the other end said we have had several canelations this morning and would like to perform your surgery right now. I cannot tell you how much peace came over me at that moment. I said can I have 15 minutes to shower and I will be right there. We woke up our 4 kids and managed to get them in the car within 22 minutes a record I am sure. It was a whirlwind of getting ready but I think I smiled the whole time. I knew from the moment they called I was going to be fine. God was talking to me big time and I knew it. I did not deserve it but I knew that God really wanted me to know he was with me and if it took a ton of bricks then a ton of bricks it was. I kissed my hubby and said I will see you in a few hours. I was not a bit scared anymore the peace I felt was more than I can describe. I can't possible tell you the feeling I had but it was very close to the feeling one has after you have excepted the lord into your heart. I woke from surgery and my first coherant thought was thanking God.. The first clock I saw said 1:40 I was in my room by 2:50 pm and I stayed wide awake until midnight all the time thanking God for my surgery and my family. I have continued to see God in my recovery and hope that from now on I will be listening and watching more closely for God in my life. I am not saying he won't have to show me sometimes but I hope that he won't I hope I will be a willing participant and not forget all he has done to comfort me in my times of need even if it seems I have had more than my share of needs. I hope that what I am sharing here helps just one person see that not only do we all care for each other but that God cares to I pray for each and every person on this chat I pray that God will comfort, heal, and care for each of you every day and your families. I know that each of us has to find our way. Our life on this earth is short and it is to prepare us for a much longer one in a much greater place. God was speaking to me through all of you great people and I for one will always be grateful. My God bless all of you. Bzmom Sharon |
