ӿ�<--------- http://www.paulsfunhouse.com --------->ӿ�
and
ӿ�<----------The Grand Pooh-Bah of Humour ---------->ӿ�
presents
<---------------------PureHumour Joke Ezine!--------------------->
PUREHUMOUR is sent by request ONLY...if you wish to stop
receiving these mailings then please visit:
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WOW! I know how much you love to hear about the weather...but this
is nuts. This morning my thermometer read -30C and with the windchill
they were saying it was -45C ... now if you have never experienced cold
like that...you are missing out. Starting a vehicle in those temperatures
is an experience. Even though it is plugged in overnight...it still gives you
the impression that it don't wanna start! And sitting on those seats is like
sitting on a cold marble slab! The seats of my van were ROCK HARD this
morning...that cold just goes right through you to your most sensative
areas! ;) No end to this is in sight...but at least we don't get brush-fires
or earthquakes. (if I say that enough it makes me feel better so please
humour me!) ;)
Remember to check out my two hottest pages:
Free Links: http://www.paulsfunhouse.com/links/
Discussion Forum: http://www.paulsfunhouse.com/board/
Today's issue includes contributions by: Rubin, The Posens, Barbara,
AKnocker, Laura, Linda, Ishy, Takeiteze, SunAmy.
If you want to see your name here...send your jokes to:
<a href=" mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] ">Jokes</a>
ӿ�-------------------------QUICKIE----------------------------------ӿ�
Lets start with a quickie:
"What's the difference between a nail, a screw and a bolt?"
the wood shop teacher asked the only girl in the class during
the first day of school.
She pondered the question for a moment, then replied, "Well,
I can't rightly say as I know, 'cause I ain't never been 'bolted'."
ӿ�--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------ӿ�
Due to some ongoing problems with the "Fun-lists" toons
links...they have been removed from Purehumour until
further notice.
ӿ�------------------------SPONSOR---------------------------------ӿ�
Today's issue is brought to you by:
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ӿ�--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------ӿ�
Anni called in a repairman to fix her electric clock.
He examined it and told her, "There's nothing wrong with
the clock. You didn't have it plugged in."
Anni replied, "I don't want to waste electricity, so I only
plug it in when I want to know what time it is."
ӿ�--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------ӿ�
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ӿ�----------------------TODAY IN HISTORY-----------------------ӿ�
If today is your birthday...you share it with:
1952 Karen Moe [Thornton] US swimmer (Olympics-gold-1972)
1952 Teddy Gentry Fort Payne AL, country music star (Alabama-Mountain
Music, Take Me Down)
1953 Myung-Whun Chung Seoul South Korea, pianist/conductor
1954 Chris Lemmon Los Angeles CA, actor (Brothers & Sisters, Duet)
1955 Thomas David Jones Baltimore MD, PhD/Astronaut (STS 59, 68, 80, sk 98)
1956 Becky Pearson LPGA golfer
1956 John Wesley Shipp actor (The Flash, Dawson's Creek, Kelly-Guiding Light)
1957 Mike Bossy NHL forward (New York Islanders)
1959 Linda Blair St Louis MO, actress (Exorcist, Chained Heat, Savage St)
1960 Michael Hutchence Australia, rock vocalist/actor (INXS-Need You
Tonight, Dogs in Space)
1961 Barb Thomas Whitehead Sibley IA, LPGA golfer (1995 Hawaiian Open)
1962 Robert Mailhouse New Haven CT, actor (Brian-Days of our Life)
1963 Diane Lane New York City NY, actress (Cotton Club, 6 Pack, Big Town)
1963 Jeff Treadway US baseball infielder (Los Angeles Dodgers)
1964 Ann Rowe Auburn Maine, Miss Maine-America (1990)
1964 Maria Ellingsen Reykjavik Iceland, actress (Katrina-Santa Barbara)
1964 Stojko Vrankovic NBA center (Los Angeles Clippers)
1964 Wayne Kirby Williamsburg VA, outfielder (Cleveland Indians, Los
Angeles Dodgers)
1965 Jazzy Jeff Townes rapper (Parents Just Don't Understand)
1965 Ray Mayhew rocker (Sigue Sigue Sputnik-Love Missile F-111)
1965 Steven Adler Cleveland OH, drummer (Guns & Roses-Sweet Child)
1965 Tim Prukop WLAF linebacker-secondary coach (Amsterdam Admirals)
1966 Carlton Haselrig NFL guard (New York Jets)
1966 Nishantha Ranatunga cricket (brother of Arjuna Sri Lankan ODI allrounder)
1967 Manabu Nakanishi wrestler (NJPW)
1967 Nicholas Gillingham British swimmer (world record 200m freestyle)
1967 Olivia d'Abo London England, actress (Wonder Years, Single Guy)
1968 Andrey Sokolov hockey defenseman (Team Kazakhstan Olympics-1998)
1968 Brian Jones NFL linebacker (New Orleans Saints)
1969 Christina Marie Leardini St Petersburg FL, playmate (April 1991)
1969 Keith Gordon US baseball outfielder (Cincinnati Reds)
1969 Ousmane Bary WLAF cornerback (Barcelona Dragons)
1969 Shelley Sandie Australian basketball guard (Olympics-88, 96)
1969 Vinnie Clark NFL cornerback (Jacksonville Jaguars)
.....and on this day in history:
1950 Polly Riley wins LPGA Tampa Golf Open
1951 Fidel Castro ejected from a Winter League game after beaning batter
1951 Bollingen Prize for poetry awarded to Johncrowe Ransom
1953 Arthur Miller's "Crucible" premieres in New York City NY
1955 Norwegian government of Einar Gerhardsen forms
1956 30 die in a train crash in Los Angeles
1956 Betsy Rawls wins LPGA Tampa Golf Open
1956 Canadian Football Council forms
1957 Israeli forces withdraw from the Sinai Penisula
1957 Mad Bomber (George P Metesky) accused of 30 explosions, arrested
1958 KRSD (now KEVN) TV channel 7 in Rapid City SD (ABC) 1st broadcast
1959 USAF concludes less than 1% of UFO's are unknown objects
1960 10th NBA All-Star Game East beats West 125-115 at Philadelphia
1960 Coal mine of Johnburg caves-in, 417 die
1960 French President De Gaulle escapes attempt by General Massu
1960 Paul Pender beats Sugar Ray Robinson for middleweight boxing title
1963 Ruth Jessen wins LPGA Naples Professional Golf Tournament
1964 World's largest cheese (15,723 kg) manufactured, Wisconsin
1964 Kenneth Kaunda becomes premier of North-Rhodesia (Zambia)
1965 US launches TIROS 9 weather satellite
1967 NFL Pro Bowl East beats West 20-10
1968 "Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In" premieres on NBC
1968 Apollo 5 launched to Moon; unmanned lunar module tests made
1968 NBA announces it will expand to Milwaukee & Phoenix
1969 Billy Preston becomes the 5th Beatle
1969 Orbiting Solar Observatory 5 launched into earth orbit
1969 "Celebration" opens at Ambassador Theater New York City NY for 110
performances
1969 Roy Campanella & Stan Musial elected to baseball Hall of Fame
�2003 http://www.scopesys.com/today/
ӿ�--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------ӿ�
Things I've learned about Mississippi .....
* Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
* There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in Mississippi.
* There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Mississippi, plus
a couple no one's ever seen before.
* Possums will eat anything.
* Armadillos love to dig holes under tomato plants.
* Raccoons will test your crop of melons and let you know when they are ripe.
* If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.
* A tractor is NOT an all-terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.
* Onced and Twiced are words.
* It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy.
* Fire ants consider your flesh as a picnic.
* People actually grow and eat okra.
* Fixinto is one word.
* A tank is a dirt hole in the ground that holds water for irrigation,
watterin' the cows, swimming, or a weekly bath.
* There ain't no such thing as "lunch". There's only dinner and then
there's supper.
* Tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're 2.
* Backards and forwards means I know everything about you.
* 'Jeet? is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"
* You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is.
You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
* Darn near everyone knows 5 or more cloud types (guess they got to be
look'n out for them there ternayders-(translation: tornados)
ӿ�--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------ӿ�
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ӿ�----------------------COLUMN PREVIEW--------------------ӿ�
THE FOAMING POPCORN CAPER
by Larry Graves
Well, it has been a good year since I've had a "true"
story to tell. In other words, I haven't done anything
really stupid (or stupid enough to turn into a story
for this website)
Yesterday, I did something stupid and I am almost glad
I did because now I can finally write another true story
from my horrid life.
Last night my stomach was growling for some odd reason.
Possibly because I hadn't eaten anything in the last twenty
minutes or so. I threw a bag of microwave popcorn into the
microwave (so far, I haven't done anything stupid...)
Once it had popped, I dumped the popcorn into a bowl and
poured a touch of butter on top (roughly 1 cup of butter per
kernel...) Once in a while I like to add a bit of powdered
parmesan cheese on top. My wife doesn't care for it that way,
so this way I get to eat 99 per cent of the popcorn. And you
thought I was stupid!
I very thoughtfully held the bowl of popcorn out to my wife.
I told her it had the parmesan cheese on top but surprisingly
she took a big handful of it anyway. After she greedily grabbed
the popcorn I determined with my calculator that I was only
going to eat about 97 per cent of the popcorn now...
.... the rest?
<a href=" http://www.gravetimes.com/popcorn.htm ">The Great Popcorn Caper!</a>
http://www.gravetimes.com/popcorn.htm
ӿ�-----------------------QUICK QUOTE----------------------------ӿ�
Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer from poor people in rich
countries to rich people in poor countries.
-Douglas Casey (1992)
ӿ�--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------ӿ�
Truly A Male Cat
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McLaden
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ӿ�--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------ӿ�
Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off,
when one fellow noticed that his partner had only one golf ball.
"Don't you have at least one other golf ball?" he asked. The
other guy replied that he only needed one.
"Are you sure?" the friend persisted. "What happens if you
lose that ball?"
The other guy replied, "This is a very special golf ball. I
won't lose it so I don't need another one."
"Well," the friend asked, "what happens if you miss your shot
and the ball goes in the lake?"
"That's okay," he replied, "this special golf ball floats.
I'll be able to retrieve it."
"Well what happens if you hit it into the trees and it gets
lost among the bushes and shrubs?
"The other guy replied, "That's okay too. You see, this
special golf ball has a homing beacon. I'll be able to get
it back with this radio signal finder -- no problem."
Exasperated, the friend asks, "Okay. Let's say our game goes
late, the sun goes down, and you hit your ball into a sand trap.
What are you going to do then?"
"No problem," says the other guy, "You see, this ball is
florescent. I'll be able to see it in the dark."
Finally satisfied that he needs only the one golf ball, the friend
asks, "Hey, where did you get a golf ball like that anyway?"
The other guy replies, "I found it."
ӿ�--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------ӿ�
During a long rain delay, the baseball announcer filled in some
time by sharing some baseball trivia with his color man.
"Know who hit the most home runs between 1955 and 1975? I'll tell
you -- Hank Aaron. Know who hit the most RBIs between 1955 and 1975?
Hank Aaron. And who got hit on the chin with the most balls between
1955 and 1975?"
"Hank Aaron?" ventured the color commentator.
"Nope," said the announcer. "Liberace."
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ӿ�--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------ӿ�
Little Johnny had some sex questions for his father, "Dad, what does
'pussy' mean?"
His father took little Johnny up to his study room and got out a Playboy
magazine. He opened the book to the centrefold and too got out an ink
pen. He drew a small circle in the appropriate place and told Little
Johnny, "See that circle, everything inside the circle is a pussy."
"Oh," said Little Johnny. "So what is a bitch?"
"Well," said his father, "see that little circle? A 'bitch' is
everything outside the circle if it doesn't give you what is inside the
circle..."
ӿ�--------------FROM THE BATHROOM WALL -------------ӿ�
Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really
good for anything, but you still can't help but
smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
ӿ�-------------------------QUIZ QUEEN------------------------------ӿ�
How much fertilizer can one earth worm produce in a year?
A. 10 pounds
B. 2 pounds
C. 1 pound
D. 0.33 pounds
<Answers in Next Issue!>
12/01
Last Issue's Answers:
Which vegetable does not actually exist botanically?
A. Pumpkin
QQ: It is a variety of squash, or actually one of any of four varieties of
squash. Not a big squash connoisseur, The QuizQueen wishes it were the
other way around�
� Copyright 2003 Dawggone Communications
Website: http://quizqueen.net
Subscribe: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
ӿ�--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------ӿ�
Am I A Microwave
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Hospital Mishap
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ӿ�--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------ӿ�
[A Classic!]
A young man moved into his new apartment in the city. On his
way to the mailboxes in the lobby, an attractive young lady
came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing only a
robe.
The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation
with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious
that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat
trying to maintain eye contact.
After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's
go to my apartment, I hear someone coming." He followed her into her
apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her
robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, "What would
you say is my best feature?"
Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your
ears!"
Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts;
they are full and 100% natural! I work out every day! My butt is firm
and solid! Look at my skin- no blemishes anywhere! How can you think
that the best part of my body is my ears?"
Clearing his throat, he stammered, "Outside, when you said you heard
someone coming? That was me."
ӿ�-------------------DAILY TOON FEATURES-------------------ӿ�
If you like funny, wacky, and clean cartoons, then check out
"Strange Breed". It's sure to make you and your whole family
laugh."
<a href="http://www2.hi.net/s4/strangebreed.htm";>Click</a>
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Gus really gets cooking...a new strip each day!
<a href="http://www.guscooks.com/strips.php";>Click</a>
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All this and more on my website:
http://www.paulsfunhouse.com/fun/daily.html
ӿ�---------------DUSTING OFF THE ARCHIVES---------------ӿ�
In an attempt to boost the number of visits to the Purehumour
archives...in each issue I will highlight today's date in the archives
from the past three years...take a look at todays issue in history
to see how Purehumour has evolved and what was funny in the
past!
January 22nd 2002...what a date:
<a href=" http://www.escribe.com/humor/pj/m787.html ">Click</a>
http://www.escribe.com/humor/pj/m787.html
ӿ�--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------ӿ�
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ӿ�--------------------IT'S NOT PUNNY!------------------------------ӿ�
A wagon trail was heading west, and the wagon master
send a scout ahead to watch out for Indians. The man
was gone for a few hours and came back to report that
he saw an Indian on a hill.
"How big was he? " the wagon master asked.
"About one inch", the scout replied as he show with his
two fingers.
"Go out again and keep your eyes on him" ordered the wagon
master, and the scout complied.
A few hours later, he came back and reported that he saw
the Indian again
"How big was he?" the wagon master asked. By showing with his
hand, the scout said that he was bigger than the length from
his fingertip to the end of his wrist
"Keep and eye out for him and report back" said the wagon
master
The scout came back after a few hours and reported that the
Indian was now as tall as his arm up to the elbow.
"Go out and shoot the SOB!" ordered the wagon master.
"I can't" replied the scout.
"Why not?' asked the wagon master
I've known him ever since when he was this big" the scout said,
showing the wagon master with his two fingers an inch apart as
before!
ӿ�------------------------TIMEKILLER-------------------------------ӿ�
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ӿ�--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------ӿ�
Three bachelors were kidding Morris, the married man
among them.
"You've been married five years now, Morris, how come you
have no children?" asked one of them. Then trying to make
a bad pun, he added, "Is your wife unbearable?"
"Or," said another guy, "is she inconceivable?"
"Maybe she's impregnable!" joked the third man.
"No, boys you're all wrong," lamented Morris.
"My wife is insurmountable and inscrutable!"
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ӿ�--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------ӿ�
A happy couple went on a cruise for their honeymoon. Wanting
to impress his new bride with his knowledge of foreign affairs, the
husband asked, "Honey, what do you think about the Middle East
position."
His wife replied, "I don't know, have we already tried it?"
ӿ�--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------ӿ�
Pussy In His Pants
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YES She IS Naked
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ӿ�-------------------------WEIRD NEWS---------------------------ӿ�
Teenagers are to be given sex education lessons by their
classmates under a new scheme to be introduced in
Bulgaria.
Students at the Romen Rolan high school in Stara Zagora
have been asked by teachers to prepare lectures on a
range of topics.
Themes will include contraception, sexually transmitted
diseases and the structure of the male and female
reproduction system.
The idea has been backed by the Bulgarian Association for
Family Planning and Sexual Health, which claims the
methodology is already in use elsewhere in Europe.
Spokeswoman Dessi Georgieva said: "Young people are more
receptive to information about their reproductive and sexual
health when the barriers of age and teacher authority are
removed.
"In other words, peer education supports the work of teachers
and broadens it without copying it."
Weird News is a daily feature of Purehumour...it contains
a previously published News Report. If you find an article
that you wish to see here..please send the article, name of
the publication and date to:
<a href=" mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] ">News</a>
IF you like Weird News...subscribe to my weekly ezine of
Weird News Weekly:
<a href=" http://lists.paulsfunhouse.com ">Lists</a>
ӿ�--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------ӿ�
A hairlip midget walks into a bar and tells the bar tender
to give him a beer. The barkeep gives him a beer, the midget
downs it right away, after 3 more beers the midget ask's the
barkeep where his bathroom was?
The barkeep tells him down the hall, 2nd door on the left.
After an hour the midget returns quite shaken, the barkeep asked,
"Whats the problem? When you left here you were fine?"
The midget replies, "There I was taking a piss and this big man
walks up behind me and puts a gun to my head and orders me to
suck his dick!"
The barkeep asked, "Then what happened?"
The midget answers, "You didn't hear any gun shots did ya?"
ӿ�-------------------------QUICK WIT-------------------------------ӿ�
[||||] I R A Q S Q U A R E D [||||]
"President George W. Bush said... that if North Korea abandoned its
nuclear weapons program, we would consider offering a 'bold initiative'
that would bring aid, energy and security agreements to the country."
(NYT/1/15)
Translation: There's no oil in Korea.
Copyright � 2003 by Bob Mills, all rights reserved.
http://www.topica.com/lists/funnysideup
ӿ�--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------ӿ�
A Priest at a Church picnic was staring at a member of
his parish wearing the tiniest of bikinis.
A Nun walked over and said, "Shame on you Father, staring
at that woman like that!"
The Priest replied, "Sister Mary Elizabeth, I know you to
be on a diet, and yet I saw you ogling the buffet."
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ӿ�---------DUMB CROOK OF THE DAY AWARD---------ӿ�
Cass County, Missouri sheriff's deputies literally
stumbled upon 100 pounds of marijuana this week,
KMBC's Lara Moritz reported Thursday.
"It's just an indication that drugs are traveling
through on our highways, probably on a daily basis,"
Sheriff Dwight Diehl said.
Moritz reported that Kermit Alen Gibbs was caught
taking a nap sometime after midnight.
"He ran off he road. It was a one-car accident,"
Diehl said.
Deputies found Gibbs' car off Highway 71. The driver
was asleep, but woke up at that time. Investigators
said that Diehl was not able to tell deputies much
information.
"He was not real coherent, and hasn't given us much
information at this time," Diehl said.
Deputies allegedly found drug paraphernalia in the
front seat of the car and a brick of marijuana in the
back seat, Moritz reported. After the car was impounded,
deputies said that they discovered 100 pounds of pot
worth almost $75,000.
"Sometimes in law enforcement, you make progress because
you're good and sometimes you make progress because you're
lucky," prosecutor Chris Koster said.
ӿ�---------------------------QUICKIE----------------------------------ӿ�
Why did the blonde cross the road?
Never mind that, what was she doing out of the bedroom?
ӿ�--------------------------EDITORIAL--------------------------------ӿ�
[John Martin lives in Canberra, Austrailia and gives us a first
hand (although humourous) view of the bush fire outbreaks]
WHERE THERE ARE ARTICHOKES, THERE'S FIRE
By John Martin
I have decided not to go into the high-rise market garden business.
"Why?" my friend Orville asked.
"The bushfire at the weekend put me off," I said.
"What bushfire?" Orville asked.
"Sheesh, Orville, where have you been!" I said, exasperated. "The bushfire
which ripped through Canberra, killing four people, injuring hundreds of
others, destroying 500-odd houses, making many of hundreds of people
homeless and causing about $150 million in damage."
(Um, er, I tried my best to miss it too.)
My wife Katherine and I were entertaining friends at our home in Holder,
Weston Creek, on Saturday afternoon and could see through the lounge window
that it was getting darker and darker and smokier and smokier outside.
But we assumed, wrongly, that the fires were a way away from Canberra.
I did go outside several times to check where the smoke was coming from,
but all I could see was thick smoke filtering a red, red sun in the sky.
It was very hot and gusty.
We switched on the radio but, unbeknown to us, it was tuned to a
non-Canberra station which gave us no hint of what was going on.
So we kept eating and drinking and chatting and being completely oblivious.
Only after our friends left at 4pm did we call Katherine's parents, Bob and
Pat, in the next suburb, Duffy, to be told that they were surrounded by fire.
Even then, I had no idea of the extent of it.
But when I drove up to Duffy, just a couple of minutes away, there was lots
of escaping traffic, lots of smoke, lots of fire fighters and police and
lots and lots of flames all around. I could not see in the smoky darkness
and confusion what was burning but knew they had to be houses.
I did not see a policewoman I nearly ran over at a road block either,
though I did hear her bellow; "Don't you know the meaning of a stop signal!"
"I just want to drive up this road to check on my parents-in-law," I pleaded.
"Have they got a car?" she said.
"Yes, but they are older citizens and might need some help," I said.
"Well, okay, I'll let you go," the policewoman said. "But just get them out
of there. NOW!"
Meanwhile, Katherine was at home with a garden hose, watering down
everything in sight and worrying about the red glow heading our way.
She had found the local ABC channel and been informed of the unravelling
emergency.
And our lunch friends had called to say that they had passed a burning
house just a couple of blocks away.
At Duffy, I gathered up Bob, Pat, the dog and the cat.
The experience will not make it into my Top 10 Fun Things To Do On A
Saturday Afternoon list. Things were exploding near us. Fire seemed to be
all around.
The dog, Angel, came without resistance.
I am bound by the mother-in-law/son-in-law code of honour not to disclose
my short conversation with Pat, who was fighting outbreaks of fire in the
backyard with a garden house.
But I have no such arrangement with Blossom the cat. She was most insistent
that she was not going to be stuffed into a cardboard carry box.
So I carried her in my arms to the car, hoping like heck she would not
wriggle free and bolt, before I threw her inside.
Katherine and I and Bob and Pat were lucky with our houses and health. We
know people who have lost just about everything.
We are still without some essential services and it will take a long time
for all of us to recover from such a traumatic event. We will see reminders
in the nearby streets every day.
"But what's that got to do with market gardening?" Orville asked.
"Well," I said. "While we still feared falling cinders, my neighbour John
helped me clean the leaves from the top of our garage. The leaves
accumulated up there over the years must have been three inches thick and
it occurred to me after I climbed up the ladder: this would a GREAT place
for a vegie garden. Lush compost. Good drainage. Closer to the sun than our
existing plot.
"Funny really, seeing as I have never, ever been interested in growing
vegetables at ground level. Katherine is forever teasing me about my lack
on interest in anything green."
"So why have you gone off the idea?" asked Orville.
"Two reasons really," I said.
"a. The roof is now very clean of leaves and compost; and
"b. I am not very fond of climbing up ladders. In fact, I will be hard
pressed to summon the courage to get up on the roof to remove the plugs I
put in our down pipes to flood the gutters. But I know I have to before it
rains again."
"Oh, I feel your pain," said Orville, who also suffers from vertigo.
"Yes, but things could be worse," I said, with a shrug. "During our
emergency, Katherine packed some spare clothes for us in the boot of our
car - in case we had to flee to an evacuation centre in a hurry. Since we
have quite different tastes in clothing, I suspect she chose something for
me I would be very reluctant to wear, even in an emergency. Green
underpants adorned with pictures of artichokes perhaps."
"Why didn't you check?" Orville asked, horrified she would make fun of me
like that.
"I didn't have time," I said. "But I am going to. Mark my words. Now I have
been to the top of the garage, I plan to get to the bottom of this.
"As long as this fire threat hangs around, those emergency clothes will
stay in our car and I want to be damn certain I'm not going to look silly."
�2003 John Martin. All Rights Reserved
Down Under, But Not Out
http://johnmartin.actweb.net
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